Uncovering Pamela
Learning To Live After Losing A Person

Oh How the Mighty Have Fallen

January 5th, 2009 by Pamela

Not that I would ever call myself mighty, but I have certainly fallen.  I will not, however, become victim to that old saying, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”  I will get myself back up.  I will get myself back on track.

I certainly sent 2008 out with a bang.  Not that I did anything particularly fascinating on New Year’s Eve (we’ve already established that I have no life), but I did go out to eat with my mom to this place, that is like heaven (or hell, depending on how you look at it) on earth.  It’s a good thing that they don’t show pictures of all of their food, because it would most likely be considered food p*rn.  :)  It was my favorite place to eat pre-WW.  Needless to say I haven’t been there in over two years.  It was just as yummy as I remembered.

So, considering it was a buffet, I ate way too much, but much less than I would have ate there in the past.  The rest of my weekend flashed by in a food whirl.  I guess you could say that I got 2009 started off with a bang (or a binge?), as well.

While I ate way, way too much over the weekend (we’re talking “I had to be out of my mind” quantities of food), I did get quite a bit of walking in.  I went hiking twice and did lots of errand-running and window shopping at a few different malls (I only bought this sweater from Lane Bryant Outlet),

Yesterday, I stayed home and did fun things like the dishes and laundry.  I did play a game of Canasta with my mom (and kicked her butt).  Finally I have a game I can beat her at!  I’m sure it’s just a matter of time, though, since she is just learning how to play.  I also made this WW Baked Macaroni and Cheese recipe that I adore. 

Overall, it was a fairly relaxing/productive weekend.  Now I just gotta get my ass back on plan!!

Posted in Weight Watchers / Weight Loss having 10 comments »

Weigh-In 12/30/08

December 30th, 2008 by Pamela

Holy Moly am I a lucky girl.  I only gained 1.5 pounds this week, which is absolutely stunning considering the amount of crap I ate over the holiday weekend.  I mean, seriously, if it was edible and wasn’t glued down, it went into my mouth.  And since there wasn’t anything edible in my presence that was glued down, that means I pretty much ate everything that was edible in my line of sight.  :)

I hope everyone had a happy holiday.  Mine was fairly decent.  I think the change in my sleep schedule, an increase in medication, and the additional sugar created a situation in which I felt like I was borderline comatose for most of the weekend.  I did get quite a bit of sleep, which I probably really needed though I’m still feeling fairly sleepy.  I’ve felt a little down since Christmas, but my parents were in kind of weird moods, too, so we may have just been missing my brother.

I have no excuse for what I ate and how much I ate.  I don’t think there was any profound reason for it.  I just ate it and am moving on.  My goal for the holidays was to stay between 185 and 195 and since I’m at 190.7, I’ve done that.  I know things will go a bit crazy this weekend again, but I’m trying to get myself back in the swing of counting again.  I might not be counting everything or writing it all down (as I know that I absolutely need to), but I’ve started looking at food as points again and that’s a step in the right direction.  When I was at my peak on WW, I didn’t see two pieces of my favorite bread, I saw one point.  I didn’t see a banana, I saw two points, etc.  I need to get back to that place and will.

I had a rather interesting experience at K-Mart on Christmas Eve.  I had run to the store to see about getting my parents something small for their stockings and pick up some new PJ’s for myself - they had a great sale - and while I was digging through the pile, I noticed two men standing near me that seemed to be having a debate.  One seemed to be the dad of the other and ended up saying “Excuse me,” and asked me whether I thought that what he was holding was PJ’s or a robe.  Right about that time, the son said, “Hey look, Dad, it says PJ’s right here.”  The dad said thanks anyway and I didn’t think anything of it.  A few minutes later, they seemed to be having another debate and at that moment I just happened to walk over to the side of the display that they were standing on.  Lucky me.  SO THEN, the dad proceeds to ask me what size I wear!!  Uh-huh!  No joke!  I was surprised that I actually answered and told him I wear about a L/XL.  So then he proceeds to thank me and tell his son that his mom probably wears a medium then.  Uh-huh.  I think this situation shows how much my attitude has changed because I found the whole thing thoroughly amusing.  Before, I probably would have been traumatized.  It was actually kind of cute how they were trying to find something that the woman they both love would like.

On Saturday, my mom and I went for a walk at our favorite place.  It was really peaceful and just what I needed.  Now that the weather has been behaving itself fairly decently, I’m going to try to start walking more.  Hopefully the weather will hold.  I think I’ll start New Year’s Day off by going for a hike.  Get the year started in the right direction.

Other than that, and some errand-running, I didn’t do a whole lot.  I mostly slept, read, ate, and played games with my mom.  Real exciting life I lead, huh?  I was given several books for Christmas and had already read three of them (about 350 pages each) by Monday morning.  I can’t help it.  I’m an addict.   (”Hi, my name is Pamela, and I’m a book addict.”)  I’ve also recently become completely addicted to Pogo.com’s Canasta game, so I bought a deck of Canasta cards and taught my mom how to play.  The only set of Canasta cards I could find at Wal-Mart have slightly different rules than the original game, but it was close enough.  We also played Scrabble, Sequence, and Phase 10.  I adore board games and card games, but I don’t know why I continue to play Phase 10 with my mom.  The woman kicks my ass every single time.

I got quite a few things for Christmas that I wanted - almost everything in fact.  Lots of books, a new Wii game (Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess), and even a heartrate monitor that I can’t wait to try out!

Work has been decent the past couple of days.  Pretty quiet overall.  Hopefully it will stay that way through tomorrow.  I have Thursday and Friday off again this week.  WHOOHOO!  I also found out that we get to leave two hours early tomorrow and that we will also get bonuses tomorrow.  Tomorrow will be a good day!

A personal note to Christy:  Thank you so much for your comments, but I was so sorry to hear about your mom and can’t imagine how difficult the past couple of months have been for you and your family.  My heart goes out to you and wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts.  Feel free to contact me at the link above anytime.  Take care.

Posted in Life in General, Weigh-Ins having 11 comments »

Congrats and Best Wishes

December 24th, 2008 by Pamela

First of all, I have to give a shout-out and a WHOOHOOO to this guy who I am lucky enough to consider a friend and who has just reached the milestone of having lost 200 pounds!!!  Go Tony!  I’m so proud of you!

Secondly, congratulations to Jason who had the honor of being the 100th person to sign my Guestbook.   If I knew you in person, Jason, I would throw confetti on you.  Since I don’t, this will have to do:

I want to share a recent post by Sara that I think is one of the most profound things I’ve ever read regarding being overweight and the struggle with weight loss.  I really identified and felt moved by the post.  She discusses Oprah’s recent revelation that she’s gained some weight back, but compares her own struggles and comes to some really fantastic realizations.  You can read it here

I also wanted to wish you all an extremely happy holiday, regardless of what holiday it is that you celebrate!  And if you don’t celebrate any holidays this time of year, then I wish you an extremely happy day anyway!

Take care of yourselves, my friends!

Posted in Life in General having 7 comments »

Weigh-In 12/23/08

December 23rd, 2008 by Pamela

With Christmas rapidly approaching, it’s not surprising for me to say I gained.  What is surprising is for me to say that I only gained 0.2 of a pound.  I know! Shocker!  I guess while I’ve totally lost my mind and gone overboard in many areas of my life lately, I must have been subconsciously compensating for it in other areas.  Eating more candy - less dinner.  That sort of thing.  Not healthy, I know, but it’s only a couple of weeks out of the year, right?

I must state for the record that I firmly believe that Reese’s sneaks copious amounts of highly addictive substances into their holiday peanut butter/chocolate goodies (trees, eggs, hearts, etc.).  I mean, that’s the only explanation I can come up with.

Right now I’m pondering how I’m going to get to work in the freezing rain.  Our driveway is currently coated in ice.  Of course, I should have gotten up a bit earlier, and I should also not be piddling around (considering I’m sitting here with wet hair in my robe) and should be getting ready instead of writing this.

I’m also pondering how I’m going to get off work at midnight tonight and then make it back into work tomorrow morning.  I’m thinking I might go in at ten, but am wondering if that’s realistic.  We only have to work a half day thank God - the company closes at noon - and my boss is letting us come in early to get out of there sooner.

I’m really looking forward to the long weekend.  I’ll have most of tomorrow, Thursday, Friday, Sat/Sun.  WHOOHOO!

Okay, that’s it.  I can’t stall any longer.  I must pull out the blow dryer and get my butt in gear.  Hope you all are having a happy Tuesday!

Update: I had no problems getting to work, thank God, and somehow even ended up arriving almost half an hour early!  They’re calling for more snow tonight and tomorrow morning.  Whoohoo!  Unfortunately, it’s supposed to be so warm on Christmas that none of it will stick around.

Posted in Weight Watchers / Weight Loss having 6 comments »

Failure

December 22nd, 2008 by Pamela

Sorry for the short post, but I just had to give a shout-out to Roni for her post about a quote by Winston Churchill.

“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.”
— Sir Winston Churchill

To read more about what she had to say, click here.

I have to agree with her and say that this is probably one of the most important things I think anyone pursuing weight loss can remember.  I’ve often said that I think the key to my success at the beginning was my enthusiasm and excitement over the whole process.  I lived week to week, looking forward to stepping on that scale!  I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true!

I honestly think that that was my problem when I started slipping this year.  I lost the enthusiasm.  I’m working hard to get it back!

Posted in Weight Watchers / Weight Loss having 4 comments »

A Productive Day

December 21st, 2008 by Pamela

Food-wise, today (Sunday) tanked.  I ate lots of yummy things I shouldn’t have been eating.  However, my day was extremely productive on all other fronts.

  • I trimmed an inch off of my own hair and according to my mom, I did a pretty great job!  I may try it a bit shorter next weekend - nothing drastic, just maybe a couple of inches.  My hair’s long enough that it probably won’t make much of a difference.
  • Instead of staying in where it was toasty warm, my mom and I ended up running some more errands and we are both now official DONE with our Christmas shopping.
  • I then talked my mom into wrapping most of my gifts for me.  :o)  Gotta love moms who love to wrap.  I did organize and get everything together and tell her what went with what, etc.  Oh and I put the name tags on! :o)
  • I got a couple of packages almost ready to mail.  I just need to put the finishing touches on one gift and then wrap it and pack it all up with addresses, etc.  Both of the recipients know me well enough to know that their gifts will be late.  :o)
  • I finished up my mini-gifts for most of my co-workers and then packed up the gifts for my closest co-worker that I consider a friend.  They’re all ready next to my bag to go to work tomorrow.
  • I got a couple of Christmas cards ready to mail.  I decided not to do many snail mail cards this year in favor of electronic messages -  most of my friends don’t send cards anyway.  But there are a few I want to send.  I was also EXTREMELY surprised and flattered to have received a card in the mail yesterday from one of the higher ups at my company!  Okay, honestly, you could have knocked me over with a feather.  It was even personally addressed in his handwriting.  He’s the one who complimented me to the CEO.  So I figured I should reciprocate.  I don’t know if the others in my department received them, but I hope so! It was a good feeling and they deserve it, too.
  • I have two first cousins.  One is female and one is male (brother and sister).  Over the past year, they’ve both had babies.  The male cousin’s girlfriend had the baby, of course.  Last I checked, he wasn’t born with any special capabilities.  My female cousin had mentioned a few months ago that she’d like to have a bracelet with her son’s name on it.  I make jewelry on occasion and thought that it would be nice to do one for her.  We don’t normally exchange gifts, but I thought it would be nice.  Of course, I couldn’t do one for her without doing one for my other cousin’s girlfriend.  My mom and I went shopping for some of the beads today and she decided to go in with me on the cost.  Thank God, because I decided to go the sterling silver route and it ended up being a tad more expensive than I’d planned.  So not only did I get the materials I needed, but I also got the bracelets done! Hopefully they don’t read my blog, but if they do, “hi guys!”  Hope you can act surprised when you see these on Thursday! :o)  I also hope you like them!  The female cousin has a stepson, so I decided to make her’s a double-strand so that he wouldn’t feel left out.  I also included their birthstone colors.

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  • I then cleaned up the mess I made from all the shopping, wrapping, decorating, etc.
  • AND if that wasn’t enough, I then did my laundry and gathered up and took out the trash (tomorrow’s trash day).

Overall, today wasn’t quite as restful as I’d hoped, but I feel good about what I got done.  Perhaps I’ll be able to relax a bit next weekend.  I’m so looking forward to it.  I love long weekends.

Posted in Life in General having 3 comments »

Brrrr…

December 20th, 2008 by Pamela

I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve been cold ALL day!

My mom and I spent the day trying to finish up our Christmas shopping.  I’m proud to say that I’m finally done…all except for one thing - if I can find it.  Ah, the joys of waiting to the last minute, right?

It’s been freezing here all day today though!  It’s six degrees here right now.  Six!!  They’re expecting  the high tomorrow to be about 11 with a low of -4 tomorrow night.  We won’t even talk about the wind chill.  Yikes!  I practically ran from my car to the store and back again and while I was pumping gas tonight, I about wanted to cry.  I couldn’t feel my face.  The entire time I kept thinking about my good friend Riley mentioning that she actually had to turn the heat on the other day.  She lives in California.  My heart breaks for her.  *snicker* You know I adore you, Riley!  :)  I think it would be hard to celebrate Christmas without the cold though.

There is one recent purchase that I’ve made that I consider to be my greatest purchase of 2008.  No joke or exaggeration.  I adore these things:

So tomorrow my toes stay inside and hopefully toasty warm, even if I have to layer them with two pairs of socks and several blankets.

Unfortunately (or my taste buds would say fortunately), I will also be trapping myself inside with and enjoying my mom’s haystacks.  Yummmmmy.

I kind of went overboard on the meal front today.  Kind of.  Okay, WAY overboard.  Not only did we get Baskin Robbins ice cream (yes, we’ve established that I’m actually aware that it’s cold outside), but I also splurged at Applebee’s for dinner.  I’ve been wanting to try their three cheese chicken penne pasta for ages now and I decided I was going to try it tonight.  Big mistake!  Big, big mistake!

I think that if God could reach down and put a tiny bit of heaven in a bowl, then this would be it.  Especially for any cheese lovers like myself out there.  I refuse to consider the amount of calories I consumed in that one meal (I still have 2/3 of it left in the fridge to savor tomorrow), but the mere fact that it has “three cheese” in the title should give me a good indication.  Hey, I’ve never hid the fact that I like to eat.  It’s hard to do that when you once weighed over 300 pounds.

I did, however, have a NSV today!  While we were shopping, I realized that I really needed a new pair of jeans.  Ecstatically, I left the store with a new pair.  A new Misses Size 12 pair!!!!!!  12!  I don’t even ever remember wearing a size 12.  Ever.   I think I skipped right over that size on my way up.

Though I have proven that I can actually slide them over my hips and button and zip them (my mom’s seen the proof), I still have a really, really, really hard time believing that they could possibly fit.  I see the size and think “no way.”  I hold them up and look at them and think “no way.”  And then I put them on have to admit “yes way.”

I’m a goofball.  I admit that, too.  I know that the brand must run rather large, but I’m going to wear them with pride.

Hope you all are staying warmer than I am!

Posted in Victories having 7 comments »

A Universal Shift

December 18th, 2008 by Pamela

Last week I was cleaning out my desk at work.  No, don’t worry, I’m still employed.  I was just going through the clutter that has accumulated over the last six years that I’ve worked here.  It’s amazing what you can accumulate!  Stashed at the back of one of my desk drawers was a picture.

A few nights ago, I took the time to look at an old metal cabinet where I had placed some magnetic poetry tiles.  They’ve been there for years, but I’ve barely paid any attention to them for quite some time.  I noticed that some of the pieces were scrambled together in a little group and remembered having made a poem from them at one point.

This is the woman I saw in the picture that I found.

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Woman A

(Click image for larger size)

It is also the same woman that wrote the magnetic poem that contained the word “repulsive” and other such similar nonsense.

This woman had very little self-esteem.  Deep down, she did think she was interesting, smart, sometimes pretty, worth loving and listening to, but allowed herself to doubt these beliefs constantly.  Even though she felt good about herself every once in a while, she could never believe that anyone else saw her that way and that if no one else could see it then she must be deluding herself.  This woman looked to the outside world for validation and for acceptance and even when it was offered to her (which it was), she couldn’t believe it was real.

This woman abused herself on a daily basis.  Physically, but most importantly, emotionally.  Physically, she just didn’t take care of herself as she should.  She didn’t eat right, ate too much, didn’t work out as much as she should.

Emotionally, the abuse was far greater.  She would have rare moments of feeling good about herself, but those moments were few and far between.  This woman called herself names.  Often told herself that she was a freak, that she couldn’t do anything right (ridiculous), that she was ugly and disgusting and not worth loving - by anyone.  She internalized everything.  If someone said something to her that wasn’t particularly nice or disagreed with her opinion, then it was her fault.  It was because she was weird or a freak.

If she made a mistake or did anything slightly embarrassing, then it was a catastrophe and she immediately told herself that she was a complete idiot.  That is really sad, when you consider that she is a klutz and was constantly doing things to embarrass herself.

Because of her weight and social anxiety, this woman often thought she was a failure, regardless of the fact that she often succeeded at whatever she tried and had graduated from college.  (Right now you may be thinking this woman was crazy).  This woman simply couldn’t believe how special she was.

This is that same woman six years later.
(and the victim of perpetual red-eye)

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Woman B

(Click image for larger size)

This woman is no more special in any way than Woman A, and yet there is a profound difference.  Woman B believes it’s true.  She believes that she intrinsically has worth and does not feel like she should apologize for having her own interests and opinions that others may not agree with.  Woman A hated herself.  Woman B loves herself.

She still has self-doubt and is still a klutz.  She always will have and will be, but she doesn’t abuse herself quite as often.  Physically, she still doesn’t always eat exactly what and as much as she should, but she’s human.  She will always struggle with that.  But that attitude, in and of itself, is a major shift.  If she eats something that isn’t quite so good for her, or eats too much, she doesn’t immediately think “I’m such a disgusting failure and freak of nature” anymore.  She thinks, “I screwed up.  I’m human.  Tomorrow is a new day.”

That same shift is a perfect example of how she also does not emotionally abuse herself as she did.  And that is what finding that magnetic poetry made her realize.  While she still has her moments of insecurity - she IS human - she doesn’t immediately associate herself with the words found in that poem that she wrote six years ago.  If someone takes issue with her, it’s not always immediately her fault anymore - it may be their problem and it may, in fact, have nothing to do with her at all.  I say “not always,” because she still struggles.  But Woman A was stagnant.  She was stuck.  Woman B is at least a work in progress, even though she has realized that she will always be a work in progress.

You may wonder how Woman A became Woman B, and I have no cut and dry answer for you.  The only thing I can say is that it is an eternal process and for that process to even begin, there has to be that moment of clarity, that moment of a lightbulb going off and telling you that “now is the time.”  Otherwise, Woman A would still be exactly Woman A no matter how much she struggled. 

You may see quite a difference in weight between the two women and may believe that that is the reason for the shift.  But as I’ve said, Woman B still has many of the same problems as Woman A.  Woman A always believed that if she could just get “skinny,” then most of her problems would disappear.  Woman B realizes now that that isn’t the case.  She knew before that everyone has problems regardless of their size.  What she didn’t know was that not all of her problems were caused by her weight.  In fact, many were probably the cause of her weight problem.

I guess it’s like the age-old question of the chicken and the egg.  Did her emotional problems cause her weight problem or did her weight problem cause her emotional problems?  I honestly believe that it was a vicious, endless cycle like a snake feeding on its own tail.  Along the same lines, did the weight loss cause this shift in attitude or did the shift in attitude cause the weight loss?  Again, I believe that it’s a bit of both.  There had to be that just right moment, the perfect catalyst of mind and body being in alignment and again, knowing that ”now is the time.”

Woman A’s goal was simple.  She wanted to fit in.  She wanted to be noticed, but not too noticed.  The weight loss may have made Woman B finally start fitting in a bit better, but it has also made her realize that it’s okay to stand out and be unique sometimes, too.

Side note:  The first picture was taken on the last Christmas I spent with my brother, less than two months before he was killed.  Here is a picture of him taken the same day.

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Posted in Psychology having 6 comments »

A Much Calmer Pamela

December 17th, 2008 by Pamela

Sorry about my vent earlier!  I am much, much calmer now.  It’s just been one hell of a week.

  • First, my one crown broke.
  • Then my other crown broke and I worried about how exactly I was going to pay for them.
  • Then I went home from work Monday night with the heartburn from hell that lasted well into Tuesday afternoon.  It’s been so long since I’ve had heartburn, I forgot how awful it can be.
  • Work has been hell all week.
  • Tuesday, we had a snow storm with about four inches of snow.  I had to go into work, although my co-workers didn’t show (leaving me to do the work).  I understood why they didn’t risk coming in though, and luckily it was the quietest night of the week (but still busy).
  • On the way into work I ran out of windshield wiper fluid (my fault).  Driving home was fun.
  • Then early this morning I woke up with a massive leg cramp.
  • Then even though I filled the windshield wiper fluid last night, I could only get the fluid to come out of the driver’s side wiper blade on the way to the dentist’s office.
  • Then the encounter with the Wicked Bitch.
  • Then on the way home from the dentist’s office, I could only get the fluid to come out of the passenger side wiper blade.  (They finally both worked on my way in to work tonight.)
  • Then, I was pulling the metal lid off of my Classic Tomato soup “Soup at Hand” (Reduced sodium!) tonight for dinner/lunch at work and splattered tomato soup all over me and the kitchen.
  • Then, as I was just now eating my Amy’s Shepherd’s Pie (serious yum), I succeeded in dropping a big spoonful right in the middle of my shirt.  Yes, I’m still at work.

Argh!  Granted some of this happened after the Wicked Bitch incident, but that had just been the last straw at that point.  At this point, all I can do is laugh.  Seriously.

So thank you to all of you for your support and comments earlier and also for the great advice!  Like some of you said, I can never think of what to say in the situation - I’m usually so stunned.  Later though, I usually come up with all kinds of stuff.  Mostly things I’d never actually say.  As Karen said, I need to be assertive in a tactful way.  I’ve got the tactful part down pat (most of the time - I do have my moments (especially lately)), but the assertive bit I still need to work on.  Always have.

On a positive front, I peeked at the scale and I’m down two pounds already this week!  :o)  Of course, that could be a fluke since I just weighed-in yesterday.  Although it could be my screwy eating finally catching up with the scale.  If you need to watch what you eat, have two crowns placed on either side of your mouth and then have them both break.  :o)

Also, as I mentioned, work has been hellishly insane.

I usually have my actual “dinner” at around 3 or 4 in the morning, a couple of hours before I go to bed.  I’ve always been terrible about eating “breakfast” when I get up in the afternoon.  I’m the kind of girl that doesn’t want to get out of bed until she absolutely has to.  So I usually only have time to shower and get ready before I have to head out the door.  Lately, I’ve been trying to eat a snack (a yogurt or english muffin or something) when I get to work, but things have been so crazy lately that I haven’t had time.  I usually eat “lunch” at work at around 7:30 or so.  But lately I’ve been so busy that I haven’t been eating until 9 or after.  So this week, I’ve been going from about 4 in the morning (at the latest - today it was about 2:30 am) to about 9 or 10 in the evening without eating anything at all.  So not good!!

My goal for tomorrow is to get my eating back on a regular schedule - even if I do have to eat mostly soft-ish foods until Friday!

So thanks again for “listening” to me rant.  I hope you’re all having a better week!  I do know it has to end at some point - at least I get to look forward to wearing jeans to work on Friday!

Posted in Life in General having 2 comments »

Wicked (W)itch of the Midwest

December 17th, 2008 by Pamela

Thy name is Karen.

Bitch doesn’t even begin to describe her.  She is the office manager of my dentist’s office.  God, I can’t stand the woman.  I apologize now for my venting and language but I’ve had it. I just got home from my dentist’s appointment to have him check out my broken crowns and spent the drive home in tears, practically hyperventilating, because of this damn woman.

Every single time I go in there she talks down to me and tries to make me feel so little.  She is extremely condescending.  (Which is my BIGGEST pet peeve).  It’s hard to explain, but she makes it feel like you should be grateful that they even allow you to step foot in their office.  Even today, right after I got there, she was trying to make me feel grateful that they could even fit me in.  Hello?  Broken crowns (plural)?  Dentists have to fit in unexpected patients all the time.  I was grateful, of course, but she didn’t need to act like that.

The dentist said that the problem with my crowns is that I apparently clench my teeth.  I’m sure he’s right.  I was so concerned about how I was going to pay for these crowns since they were no longer under warranty. He told me that he had a new material that is twice as strong as what was used on the crowns that broke and when he said that, I joked “yeah and twice as expensive.”  He said no, he’d take care of me.  So he’s not going to charge me!  Hallelujah!  You can’t imagine how relieved I was.  Since I really do not have extra funds right now.  He’s also going to do some kind of computer test thing on my bite to see where it’s getting thrown off so that they can adjust it.

So I should have been on cloud nine walking out of his office, right?  Yeah, right.  First I had to pass through her.  The dentist had asked if I could come in Friday afternoon and I said, “sure, I think so.”  When I got to her, she mentioned 2:30.  I immediately thought about work - the work that I have to be at at 4:30 - the work of which I have almost no vacation time left.  So I simply asked if she had any idea how long it might take since I had to be at work at 4:30.  OMG that totally set her off on a five minute rant about how “he’s not charging you even though this is out of warranty, and you need to call and tell them you’ll be late, and since he’s doing this you need to work around his schedule, etc., etc., etc.”  Without letting me get a word in edgewise.  And oh, it got worse.  At one point she even said, “not to be a meanie, but…”  What the hell??

Oh and I missed one appointment once and she’s never let me forget it, either.  She has no idea how truly grateful I am that he’s willing to do this and that he made me feel better by saying it would be an easy fix, but she treated me as though I was some bum off the street asking for handouts without a thank you.

I’ll admit it.  I’m not good in confrontation and I’m usually so stunned in the situation that I end up not saying anything.  It’s later that I think, “I should have said this or that.”  And when people make me mad, I cry.  It’s silly and ridiculous, but there it is.  I’m still in tears thinking about it.

But I’ve had it.   So when I go in on Friday, I’m going to ask my dentist if he has a moment to chat with me privately or if I could make an appointment to do so (hopefully bypassing her).  I’m going to explain to him that I love him as a dentist and love his hygienists/assistants (whatever they’re called now), but I may be looking for a new dentist because of her.

Do you guys think I’m justified in doing so?  Is there a better way to handle it?  I’ve had it.  I don’t deserve to be treated like a five year old  every time I go in there - not even a five year deserves to be treated like this.

Oh, and totally off subject, but I was up a pound at weigh-in yesterday.  I’m definitely okay with it as it could have been worse.  Perhaps I’ve got maintaining down.  I was down a pound last week, and up a pound this week.

Posted in Life in General having 11 comments »

About Uncovering Pamela

On June 5, 2006, I began my weight loss journey. Now, over a year later, I have lost enough weight to equal an entire person. I still have a bit left to lose, but am already struggling with the ways in which my life has changed. This is my journey. Thank you for visiting!

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