I visited some really good out-of-town friends a couple of weekends ago and had a really wonderful time.  It’s hard to live so far away from them.  But while I was there, one of my friends noticed a habit that I have, of crossing my arms.  I stand with my arms crossed.  I sit with my arms crossed.  I walk, at times, with my arms crossed.

I know body language.  I’ve studied it, had classes in it at work, etc.  I know that it portrays someone that is closed off to whoever s/he is talking to and appears unapproachable.  But it’s not something I believe is true about me and it is actually something I’d noticed about myself a couple of days before she mentioned it.

Why do I do it?  I don’t set out to cross my arms; it just kind of happens.  And I think there are a couple of reasons.

1.  I think that it’s partly my unconscious mind trying to protect myself.  It’s like a defense mechanism, cradling my own body.  I’ve been attacked so many times (verbally, emotionally), particularly when I was younger, that I guess my mind fears it happening yet again.

2.  When you’ve been overweight for as long as I have, and as overweight as I was, you’re constantly looking for ways to consume a smaller area of space.  Perhaps I’m still trying to do this.  In a way, I guess, to fold in on myself and be less noticeable or hide myself.

3.  I’m such a klutz and so uncoordinated that I really just don’t know what to do with my arms, hands.  It just feels awkward to stand there with my arms at my sides.   Also, I talk with my hands….a lot.  Perhaps my mind is also trying to tone this down a bit.

Who knows, really, why I do it.   There could be other reasons that I’m not aware of.  But I’ve made an attempt every time I catch myself crossing my arms to force myself to put my arms down at my side, or in my pockets, or something.  But, like everything else in my life, it’s a work in progress.