Since I began my weight loss journey, I have dropped 10-11 sizes in tops and at least 8 sizes in pants.  Crazy.  As you can imagine, it’s been rather expensive updating my wardrobe.  I had what rapidly became a leaning tower of clothes.  As I went down sizes and clothes became too big, I would just throw them on top of the pile.  I have to admit that it was fun actually dropping sizes for the first time in my life, rather than growing into larger ones.

Over the weekend, I began bagging up these clothes into garbage bags.  They ended up filling about 5 large trash bags!  I shudder to think of the value of those bags.  Some of the clothes had been worn once or twice, or even not at all.  Part of me is tired of having them in my life - a reminder of what I was and pray to never become again - and wants to just give them to goodwill.  Another part is sickened by the amount of money wasted and wants to try to sell some of them to recoup some of the expense.  I think the part of me that just doesn’t want to deal with it and wants them out of my life is slowly winning.

There is also another part of me that is afraid to give some of them away.  Right now, I have no intention whatsoever of ever gaining any of the weight back.  But we all know about good intentions.  We all know how easy it is to let life get in the way, or for life to well, happen.  Things happen.  I have no trouble giving away the largest sizes.  I do know that barring some completely uncontrollable event, I will NEVER and I mean NEVER go back to that size.

The clothes that are closer to my current size, however, are more difficult to give away.  I think of that expense and then think of so many “what ifs” and imagine having to re-buy those sizes if, God forbid, I should regain some weight.

I think I will get rid of them all.  How, I haven’t decided, but I believe I need to get rid of them to allow myself to move on from the Pamela that existed at those sizes.  I will not let her, or the fear of becoming her again, hold me back from all that I can become.