While losing 150+ pounds is very self-satisfying in and of itself, I still think it’s the little things that make me the happiest. The little every day things that you find yourself noticing. Things you never thought you could do, because frankly, it was never an option. It would never have crossed your mind.
I realized a couple of days ago that I could curl myself up into the fetal position if I wanted to. Not perfectly, or as tightly as I’d sometimes like after a long day at work, but pretty darn close.
I was not feeling well yesterday, so stayed home from work, and I was sitting on the couch. I was sitting forward with my elbows on my knees and I looked down at the floor. Yes, I actually saw the floor instead of my belly! Since I was already halfway there, I thought I’d see if I could put my head between my knees. I never could understand how “normal” people on TV could do that – usually when they were hyperventilating, of course. Again, it wasn’t the perfect execution that it could have been, but it was a hell of a lot better of an attempt than I’d made since childhood.
So, I was sitting there, head hanging between my knees (getting a bit lightheaded and probably making for a pretty humorous sight) when I thought to myself, “hmm, I wonder.” And I did it. I could actually press my forehead to my knee! What the heck! Me! My former self, hiding in the back of my mind, is still stunned. I’m sure that doesn’t seem like such a big deal, but I was so big, and so uncoordinated, and so inflexible, that it wouldn’t have even crossed my mind to try something like that before.
The rush of blood to my brain was a bit more than I could take in my weakened state, so I sat back and propped my feet up on the footstool. Keep in mind that my feet have always been huge. I blame my parents. They both have big feet. However, while my mom and I wear the same size shoe, she has an extremely (freakishly) narrow foot. I, on the other hand, usually wore regular-width. Okay, honestly, it was probably more often wide-width. But there were some shoes in which I could wear regular-width sizes. Now, I never have to go for the wide-width. It’s wonderful. Except when there are only wide-widths available in the shoes I think are cute – then it’s maddening.
However, to get back to the point, I was sitting there on the couch with my feet up on the footstool and happened to look down. My foot itched. Before reaching down to scratch it (I was lightheaded, remember?) I kind of flexed and shook it, hoping that the itch would just go away. It didn’t, but I became fascinated. I lifted my foot again. I flexed it again. I lifted my toes. I couldn’t help myself. I was fascinated by the way it looked. It looked like someone else’s foot attached to my huge calf. I had skinny toes! And the tendons/bones that I could see moving as I flexed my foot both fascinated and creeped me out. It was so cool!
There are times that I feel like a one year old again, rediscovering my body. It’s like I have a new toy or gadget or something that I’m trying to figure out the limits of. See what I can do, how far I can push myself. As I said, to someone who was never very overweight, or was not overweight for very long, I probably sound like a nutcase. Okay, I probably sound like a nutcase to just about everyone. But I’m not used to the new me yet. I kind of feel like I’m in a stranger’s body at times.
It’s kind of fun, though. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me next!
Interesting post on two levels! I noticed a change in my shoe size when I lost just 40 pounds. I thought feet were a “no-mans land” for fat, so you would never really gain or lose weight in your feet. Wrong-O. On another level, I was just having a conversation with a really close friend yesterday. She is scheduled to have lap-band surgery and I was telling her that she will have some mental and emotional adjustments to make after she loses weight. It’s hard to explain, but you recognize it when it happens to you.
i can sit down to tie my shoes now. i used to have to do it standing up with my foot propped up on a chair or stool because my gut got in the way. I’m not sure when I first sat down to tie my shoes but I noticed myself doing it this morning and it made me smile. still not to the forehead to knees quite yet.
Carlos, congratulations on your NSV! You’re doing so great. I know what you mean about tying your shoes. I used to have problems with that, too. If I was sitting, I always had to pull my foot up onto my other knee to tie them.
JenRN, thanks for your comment! It was great to hear from you. I’ve heard from a lot of people who have lost weight who actually lost a shoe size. I wish mine would do that! The only thing that’s changed is how fat they are. Congratulations on your 40 pound lost! That’s fantastic!
I wish your friend all the best through her surgery and recovery and would love to hear how it goes. I would think that her mental and emotional adjustments would be that much more intensified because of how quickly she might lose the weight. I’ll be thinking about her and wishing her the best.
I love this post! And you totally do not sound like a nut case, well, maybe, because you sound like me.
I do this kind of thing all the time. My latest obsession are my thighs. I tend to stare at them when I’m driving. They just passed a ‘hands-free cell phone use while driving’ law here, they need to pass a ‘stare-free at ones thighs while driving’ law, just for me.
I always have big thighs, even when I weigh less. But when I gain weight, they get bigger, much bigger and disproportional to how big the rest of my body gets. Now, they are almost looking normal, still a bit chubby, but with clothes on, they look half-way decent.
I love how we’re getting to know our new bodies. It’s so much fun!
[...] As I’ve mentioned several times before, it’s the little things! [...]
This post is so inspirational to me! Look at all I have to look forward to! Being overweight since the age of seven I’ve missed out on quite a lot that most people just take for granted. I can’t wait for all of these little changes to take place!