When I started Weight Watchers online just over two years ago (two years, two months, and two days ago to be exact), I was instructed to pick a goal weight.  They ask your height and then give you a “healthy” range of weights for you to pick from.  I believe that this is based on the BMI system (of which I’ve expressed my distaste of before).  The highest “healthy” weight in the range for my height was 153.  So, I picked 153.  I didn’t think there was any way it would happen, but that was the highest possible weight, and I didn’t want to discourage myself even more than I already was by shooting for a lower goal than I needed to.

So, I’ve been plodding along for two years now with that target in mind.  “153, 153, come on 153,” running through my head like an avid gambler who just placed his last dollar on the roulette table.  I’m now down to only needing to lose about 26 pounds.  Or, at least that’s what I thought until today.

I’ve spoken before about my loose skin issue.  It’s something that bothers me, but is something I can live with.  For now anyway.  I can put up with a little loose skin if it means getting to enjoy all of the benefits that losing this weight has brought into my life.  But I’ve often wondered how it affects my weight.  I mean, the skin has to weigh something, right?

The more weight that I’ve lost, the more satisfied I’ve become until recently when I’ve been pretty darn satisfied with where I am.  I believe I’ve discussed that before, as well.  I believed in my heart that if I had had the extra skin removed already, then I would be perfectly satisfied to stay at the weight that I am.  But without being able to have that surgery and without having a way to weigh the extra skin, I was stuck with having to shoot for a number that seemed entirely too unrealistic.  Not to mention the comments from those around me that I couldn’t possibly lose too much more.  I just figured they were being nice.

Recently, the wonderful writer on the Half of Me blog decided that she was done with her weight loss journey.  You can read about it here.  She is satisfied with where she is and doesn’t feel the need to fight to lose any more pounds.  I believe she stopped at 179 - right about where I am.  Anyway, it got me thinking about when I would be happy.  Would it be when I hit a number on the scale?  Or would it be when I, myself, was happy with how I felt?  Of course, it should be the latter.

While in my doctor’s office today, I finally came right out and asked her what she thought would be a reasonable weight for me to shoot for.  I’ll admit I was a bit nervous about what she’d say, but she actually said that was a very good question, “when do you stop?”  I told her that I’d been shooting for the highest weight that WW said would be healthy for me and when I said 153, she looked at me like I was freaking nuts.  I wasn’t sure how to take that expression at first - she couldn’t possibly expect me to lose more than that could she?  But she quickly relieved my mind.

She pulled out her handy BMI calculating gadget (she works with overweight people regularly since she’s an endocrinologist) and said that according to it, she thought I could go as high as 160 and still be considered in a healthy range.  Then she added the greatest word of all….”But.”

And then followed it with, “when you factor in the extra skin…”  She told me that there’s no way to know for sure, but she would guess that I have AT LEAST 10 pounds of extra skin (not an attractive thought, but a happy one when you think of the time you spend struggling to drop every pound).  She then proceeded to say that she would not want to see me go much lower than 170.

Some internal part of me wants to dance a jig of joy!  Keep in mind this girl doesn’t dance…at all.  That’s less than 10 pounds!  Less than 10 pounds until goal!  Since I do WW online, I don’t have to worry about meeting WW’s standards, anyway.  It also makes me wonder, if I have at least 10 extra pounds of loose skin, does that mean that my body is really actually at 169?  Wow!  I guess I should thank God for the loose skin that gives me that extra daily point to eat!

So while that part of me wants to celebrate - I might almost be done!  There’s another part of me that is trembling in its boots.  I’m almost done?  Oh God, what then?  Granted, at the rate I’m going, it’ll probably be another six months before I lose those ten pounds, but still.  What then?  Losing this weight has pretty much been the focus of my life for more than two years.  Looking forward to that weigh-in each week and praying for a loss is what kept me going.  Will I be able to maintain it?  And if I am able to maintain it, will seeing a similar number week after week be enough to keep me interested and on track?  Yikes!  I’m sure this is all premature, but I know that all of us who are trying to lose weight worry about keeping the weight off.  For me, there was that cushion of still needing to lose 26 pounds.  Maintenance was still a safe distance off.

I also wonder what it will do to my head.  For so long, I’ve had that number in my head, watching the pounds to goal drop each week (well, most weeks).  All of a sudden, that margin to goal is going to narrow significantly.  Hopefully it won’t throw me completely off balance.

So now that I’ve got my worries out on the table, I’m going to go back to celebrating.  Whoohooo!  I’m almost there, guys!  I won’t be a size 2, but I can live with that.  I never really wanted to be a size 2 anyway.  I just wanted to be healthy and to “fit in.”  Fit into normal clothes, into restaurant booths, into life, and all of the other things I never fit into at my highest weight. 

So one day soon, when I get my mind wrapped around the idea and prepared for the shock, I will be changing my goal weight on both my Progress Chart and on the Status bar on my home page to 170.  That will be my end goal, I think.  Anything under that will just be icing on the cake.