I’ve been in a somewhat self-imposed exile over the past week.  It’s one of those situations in which “if you can’t say something nice or positive, then don’t say anything at all” applies.  So I’ve kept silent.

For the past couple of weeks I’ve felt like I’ve been on a supercharged anxiety hot air balloon that just keeps the anxiety rising and rising and rising.  I feel like things are thrown at me right and left and my brain is shutting down in the midst of all that I feel I have to worry about.  I know, why worry, but my brain just doesn’t work like that.

Among all of the other minor irritations of life, my health has been first and foremost in my mind.  I got my blood test results back today and I have been diagnosed with Subclinical Hypothyroidism.  Yeah, huh?  Apparently it’s almost Hypothyroidism, but some of my levels aren’t quite low enough yet to be classified as full-blown Hypothyroidism.  Also, in doing some online research, there seems to be quite a bit of controversy over whether it should be treated or not.  My doctor has taken the, “I don’t think you need medication now,” strain of thought.  Hence a great deal of my stress.  Untreated, Subclinical Hypothyroidism can lead to cardiac problems.  Though, that’s about the least of my worries right now.

My major worries are in the fact that she seems to be completely overlooking the multiple symptoms I’m already showing.  Subclinical Hypothyroidism seems to be most often left untreated when the patient is symptom-free.  I have a great many of them already.  Not the least of which is complete fatigue (in my cause, exhaustion).  I’m tired ALL of the time, regardless of how much sleep I get.  I also mentioned that over the course of the past several months, my voice has gotten scratchier.  I often can’t get through an episode of speaking with out getting choked up and having to cough.  I find myself coughing more often when I’m eating, I’m sensitive to cold, am having short-term memory issues, and a variety of other issues.  Last, but not least, for the past week or so I’ve felt like someone is constantly holding on to my throat and squeezing.  There’s just this constant pressure at the front of my throat.  Which makes sense if my thyroid is enlarged.  It’s not exactly pleasant.

Due to my aunt’s history of thyroid cancer, my doctor is having me go in for a thyroid ultrasound bright and early Monday morning (7:30 am! How in the world am I going to do that?  I guess I might just stay up).  I guess I’ll see what happens after that.  After getting the results, and seeing what the doctor says, I will probably try to accomplish the impossible and get an appointment to go in and talk to her about it.  She’s a hard one to get an appointment with - we’re talking scheduling months in advance.  So, we’ll see.  And if I can’t get in to see her, or I don’t think she’s taking me seriously, then I’ll go to my primary care physician, and if I don’t think he’s taking me seriously, I’ll find someone else, gosh darnit!

Of course, the additional cost of the ultrasound (another $300+) is adding to the stress, since my medical bills from the past month are already well over the amount I have.  And I still don’t know how much those blood tests were.

I’ve just been a nervous wreck.  I don’t think there’s been a single instance over the past three weeks where I haven’t felt totally anxious.  Diana, I keep trying your dark-theater trick, but it’s stopped working for me! I just can’t get my mind to shut down!

There’s also lots of extended-family drama going on to add to the pressure, but that’s a story for another day.

Two of my very bestest friends in the entire world are coming into town next weekend (the 22nd-25) and I’m so excited!  I haven’t seen them since January, so I’m really looking forward to catching up.  I believe it’s their longest visit to my city ever, so I’m excited to show them the town, but I’m a little nervous that they might get bored!

The following weekend, my aunt and uncle from Nebraska are coming down to see us.  The very same weekend, my uncle and his partner (of 10+ years) are coming into town for my uncle’s high school reunion.  However, my uncle’s partner doesn’t feel like going to the reunion, so wants to know what I’m doing Saturday night.  He’s only a couple years older than me and is an absolute hoot, but I really don’t know him all that well and have no idea how to entertain him.  Plus, it seems kind of rude to run off while my other aunt and uncle are here.  We’re all getting together for breakfast that Saturday morning, which has caused all kinds of further extended-family drama.  Maybe one of these days I’ll give you guys the scoop.  I’m sure it’d be rather entertaining for those outside of the immediate story.

So, yeah, lots going on.  And that’s just about 1/4 of it.  So, I keep telling myself, happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts.  I need to find a “happy place” to go to.  I never could get my mind to shut down, though.  In fact, I had somewhat of a meltdown earlier today.  It wasn’t pretty.

So now that you’ve read through all of this, which I’m sure was entirely too much information, what do you do when you get stressed?  How do you relax?  Do you have a happy place?