I have lost my mind.  I posted a few days ago about how I hadn’t really been tracking everything this week, but that I had been able to avoid a binge.  As Diana already knows, that lasted for about 3 minutes after I hit the “Publish” button on my post.  I’ve been eating like crazy ALL weekend.  We’re talking everything in sight, and it’s really frightening me how often this is starting to happen again.

I absolutely, positively, have got to nip this in the bud NOW.  No more.  Binging for me is a compulsion.  (Hmm, perhaps that’s why they call it compulsive eating?  The section named “Addiction” on that link is particularly interesting.)  I’m not always hungry (sometimes I am) when this happens, but I become possessed by some kind of evil little “feed me” demon that insists on feeding on everything in sight right this minute.  For the longest time on my weight loss journey, I did great.  I was completely able to control these urges and even scoffed (mentally) at those who were struggling.  I thought it was just a case of mind over matter.  I’ve long since learned that it can happen to any of us.  And for some of us, more and more often.

I hated the idea of staying as strict with myself as I had been (mostly for the first year I was on WW).  But it’s obvious that that is what I need right now.  As of today, nothing goes into my mouth without it being calculated and tracked.  I guess it’s all about getting back to the basics.

I did quite a bit of walking this week, so hopefully that will combat some of the damage I did.  My weigh-in may be a bit off tomorrow, though, since I have to be at work early and will have to weigh myself earlier than usual.

Actually, the reason I have to go in early tomorrow is rather interesting.  Due to the sucky state of health care in our country, all premiums are going way up next year (of course).  However, our company is going to participate in a Health Risk Assessment program.  Tomorrow, I have to go in early for a physical assessment (weight, BMI, blood pressure, finger stick test (glucose, cholesterol, HDL, etc.)).  Then I have to fill out an online health behavior assessment, and then call a health coach who will “provide resources and guidance for any issues or concerns that arise from your appraisal.”

I have SO many issues with this whole thing, I wouldn’t even know where to begin to explain them all.  However, if I don’t do it, then I will have to pay an additional $20 a month ($240 a year!) on my premium (regardless of which plan I choose).  First of all, I have major issues with the idea that my insurance company has this information about me.  I’ve asked what info they are given and how it will be used and have been given two different answers.  I’ll ask again tomorrow.  I also extremely resent having to speak to this “Health Coach.”

One interesting thing is that they tell you to drink plenty of water before your appraisal.  That hardly seems fair to make us drink a lot of water and then weigh us. I’ll tell you though, if they weigh me and say “um, you should lose some weight,” I WILL smack them.