Talking to My Younger Self

Sherre recently tagged all of her readers with this meme.  I was very moved by her answers, and so I thought it deserved some thought on my part.  I will admit that coming up with the answers wasn’t easy.  I had to take a long hard look at some of the decisions I’ve made over the years.  Of course, what I would choose to say to my younger self could change tomorrow, but these are my answers from what I know today.

What would you say to your younger self 2, 5, 10, and 15 years ago?

• 2 years ago (I was 29) – I’m so proud of you.  I know things haven’t been easy since your brother passed away, but you’ve hung in there and have taken action about your weight.  You actually did what you said you were going to do for once.  You actually started Weight Watchers and have stuck with it for five months.  Wait’ll you see yourself in two years!  You won’t recognize yourself when you pass a mirror.  Don’t be so strict with yourself all of the time and don’t let work get to you.  Be grateful for the job you have in that you can leave work at work – and make sure to do so.  Start a blog now.  Start saving for Ireland now.
• 5 years ago (I was 26) - Don’t give up and don’t be afraid to feel the emotions surrounding your brother’s death nine months ago.  I know you feel that you need to be strong for your parents and have been told that by everyone around you, but don’t forget to feel the fear, sadness, and hopelessness that have paved a path of destruction through your own sense of security.  If you don’t allow yourself to feel it now, it will come back to haunt you in all situations in all areas of your life.  Believe me.  I know it doesn’t seem fair, but life will go on.  Take care of yourself both physically and emotionally.  You may feel extremely alone, but don’t cut yourself off from the ones who love you.  Don’t be afraid to talk about your brother and share all of the stories that made him special to you.
• 10 years ago (I was 21) – Enjoy these times.  Appreciate the friends that you have surrounding you now, because as you age, they will not always be there.  Don’t be so quick to give up on yourself and cut yourself down.  You’re special and you deserve happiness.  Go to class.  Don’t take things so seriously.  Take this time to learn more about who you are and be a bit more adventurous.  Don’t be so scared to try new things.  In the long run, it doesn’t really matter if you make a fool of yourself.  Take advantage of the opportunities that surround you.  After you graduate, you will get a sucky job – don’t stay just because you feel you need a job.  Start looking elsewhere sooner rather than later.  Don’t allow it to suck the creativity out of you.  Go home more often for visits.  Appreciate the good times.
  • I honestly don’t know if I would say the following things to my younger self, because it may be giving away too much about the future (I guess I’ve watched too much sci fi), but they are things I would like to say:  Spend extra time with your brother.  Don’t get so angry at him for trying to aggravate you.  He’s your brother.  He’s supposed to do that.  Don’t be so impatient when he tries to tell you all of the details about his ATV and truck.  Tell him you love him even if he rolls his eyes, and always remember that he loves you.  You’re going to go to visit friends in New York in a few years.  Hug him before you leave.
• 15 years ago (I was 16) – Do something about your weight NOW.  You have your whole life ahead of you and have so many opportunities laid out before you.  Don’t allow your self-esteem and fear to keep you in that suit that you wear to protect yourself from the world.  Listen to those around you and don’t be afraid to nurture your creativity.  Listen to your English teacher next year when she tells you that you have talent and don’t give up.  Remember that people care about you, and think of all of the possibilities that life has to offer.  I know you had fun meeting Tim McGraw and Little Texas last month and are a little sad that it’s over, but don’t forget all of the other fun things that there are to see and do.  You are going to have a blast in college and meet some people who will become friends for life.  Don’t be afraid to go a little wild at times.  Give a guy named Ralph a chance.  Above all, take care of your health now.  Take this time to worry about yourself and let your parents worry about their own problems.  Just say no to credit cards.

As Sherre did, I tag all who haven’t already done so to do this meme.  If you don’t want to blog about it, I at least ask that you think about it.  You may be surprised at what you come up with.  Not only did I see things that I might have changed if given the chance, but I also saw how much I’ve learned about myself over the years because of those very things.  I’ve realized that some of the issues that plagued me 15 years ago still plague me today.  Though, unlike then, I am actually striving to work on them now.  I’ve also seen how much I’ve changed in other ways and am very appreciative of who I am today.  Today, I can actually say that I like who I am.

So, what would you say to your younger self?