“Comparison is the Thief of Happiness”

Brené Brown recently posted this quote in her “give thanks (big and small)” blog post.

Comparison is the thief of happiness.

I was struck by the honest and simple truth held within those words.

There have been so many times in my life in which I felt less than enough or not good enough and when I think back on those situations, every single time that I felt that way, I was comparing myself to someone else.

Of course there are always times in which we compare ourselves to others and feel better about ourselves – which aren’t necessarily moments to be proud of, but we all have them at one point or another – but it’s the times we compare ourselves and find ourselves falling short of where we think we need to be that the potential for damage to our self-esteem exists.

While Brené took a completely different turn in how she used this quote, I thought that it really applied to this weight loss journey that most of us are on.  I’m happy at my current weight – well, happier than I’ve been in years.  Even with the ups and downs that I’ve been going through recently, I’ve been fairly content and have felt pretty damn good about myself.  I still have moments though where I still feel huge; still feel fat; don’t feel good enough; etc.  In those moments where I still don’t feel good enough, it’s obvious that it is because I’m comparing myself to someone else.

• “Well, I feel thin, but I’m not as thin as her.”
• “I’ve lost a lot, but I haven’t lost as much as him.”
• “How can I feel satisfied with my current weight when my current weight is his/her starting weight??”

It’s in those moments, too, that I need to remember and realize that this is why God (or fate, or science) made us all unique individuals instead of clones.  Even at my highest weight I was not of less importance as a person than I am now (though I may have felt so at times), and at my current weight, I am not less important than someone who weighs 100 pounds.  They’re hard things to remember at times, but important things nonetheless.

When I allow myself to just be me and don’t try to compare myself to anyone else, then that is where I am able to find true happiness.  It’s an elusive spot to be in and is almost like trying to push two positive magnets or two negative magnets together.  You may get them lined up for a split instant, but soon one or the other is shooting off in the opposite direction.  For a split instant I may feel perfectly in my spot, perfectly at peace with who I am and where I’m at in this world, and then zoom!  I’m off comparing myself again to the latest model in the catalog or the person I pass on the street or even a friend.

It’s too bad that I can’t find a way to anchor myself in that place, but I am striving to meet that place more and more often.