Technology + Me = Not Getting Along

Hi all!  Thanks to Diana, I realized that my blog had apparently gone into meltdown mode over the past few days.  See, it’s trying to punish me for not visiting more often!  Luckily, I fairly quickly realized that there was some kind of problem with my last post (“Shoot for the Stars”).  As soon as I deleted it, my page came back.  Thank you, Diana, for letting me know there was a problem!!  And thank you to those of you who commented on the post!

Technology and I haven’t been getting along so well lately.

I’ve written about my insane struggles with my old laptop.  When I got fed up with trying to figure that out (and with being faced with having to reformat the hard drive for a third time), I just bought a new laptop.  There was a brief panic moment until I realized that a network adapter driver on the new laptop just needed to be updated, but all is well with it now.  We’ve also been having issues connecting to the wireless network at work.  Since it’s for personal use, I can’t really complain, though.  It’s just frustrating.

We were also having massive struggles with our home internet connection.  My mom finally got in touch with a live person who immediately told her that he could see that our signal wasn’t strong enough to support the internet.  We’d go days without being able to connect, except for a few hours here and there.  They came out later that day (surprise!) and replaced a splitter and cable.  Now we don’t really have any problems connecting anymore, but it’s intensely slow!

It also seems that my flash has gone out on my (un-cheap) digital camera that is only three years old.  They just don’t make things like they used to.  Which, having said that, officially makes me old. 

I’m about to call a temporary moratorium on technology.  I keep telling myself I need a break from it.  Just for a week.  No e-mail, no internet, no blackberry, etc.  But I just can’t seem to do it. 

Overall, I haven’t been doing so great lately.  I’m still having trouble with my eating.  I honestly think I’ve just lost my mind.  I mean, seriously, that can be the only explanation.  Why in God’s name do I do this to myself?  I’ve regained so much weight that I’m just at the point of being thoroughly disgusted with myself.  I just wish I could go back to the days when it was easy.  And maybe that’s part of my problem.

Eating gives me pleasure.  It drowns out everything else – for that moment.  But then I’m left with the weight gain, which in the long term makes me feel even crummier than before.  Which leads to that never-ending vicious cycle we’ve talked about before.  I keep trying to ask myself which is more important to me:  1) that instant gratification of yummy goodness, or 2) the self-satisfaction and pride of how I felt when I had lost the weight (not to mention all of the other pluses and advantages).  Of course, the answer is number 2, but that hasn’t seemed to curb my eating any.

I’m also still having a lot of problems with my sinuses and allergies.  The antibiotic my doctor gave me for my sinus infection didn’t help a whole lot – maybe for a while – but now it is back full force which most likely means another trip to the doctor.  Ugh.  I just feel like there is an elephant sitting on my face and it makes me sooo tired.  (Which has also influenced the fact that I haven’t been blogging as much.)

Don’t worry, I’m not giving up.  I’ll be okay.  I will make it through this.  I so know that it is a matter of “just doing it,”  but I can’t seem to get my head on straight.  I’ve been wavering back and forth over the past few weeks between moments of “wow, life is truly a beautiful, special gift,” and “wow, my life kinda sucks right now.”  But that’s okay, because that is, in fact, just life.

Words can’t express how much I appreciate those of you who have stuck with me through this and are still checking out my blog even though I haven’t written as much.  You mean the world to me!