Hold on for one more day

In further proof that I am indeed the biggest klutz (or idiot, depending on how you want to look at it) in the world, I just succeeding in scalding the inside of my mouth and throat with hot tomato soup.  I had just heated up one of those Campbell’s Soup at Hand cups at work and was walking back to my desk.  I was so deep in thought that I just lifted it to my mouth and swallowed.  I think several shades of “holy crap” went through my head as it went down.  Now I’m guzzling cold water and praying that the soreness doesn’t last very long.  Yeeeouwch.

To continue my musical post week, I heard another favorite song on the way in to work today:  “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips.  See, I’m not ashamed to admit I love this song.

I don’t can’t sing.  And you definitely wouldn’t want me to.  But I do sing in the car when I’m by myself sometimes and this is a great sing-along song.  But today I really listened to the words.

Some of them are pretty self-explanatory:

I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don’t ever let anyone step all over you

and

You’ve got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin’ your worries pass you by
Don’t you think its worth your time
To change your mind?

But there was one line that really struck a nerve and fed into some things that I’d been thinking about over the past couple of days.  I’ve been trying to figure out why I’ve been doing this to myself.  Why I’ve allowed this weight to creep back on.  Why I wake up every day full of determination and motivation, only to let it all slide down the toilet by nighttime.  I started thinking about how much better and happier I felt at my lowest weight, and yet how being at my lowest weight didn’t solve all of my problems.  Now, I never really thought that it would, but I had hoped a few specific things would get better/easier.

Not only did being at my lowest weight not solve all of my problems (thought it did help a great many of them), it also created new situations for me to deal with.  New, unfamiliar and sometimes uncomfortable situations.

I think the medicine that I was on spurred my weight gain, but I am the one sustaining it now that I am off of the medication.  I started to wonder if it isn’t because this is what I’m used to.  I’ve been overweight all of my life (well, since I was about 9), except for about a year of the time I was on Weight Watchers.  This is how I know myself.  The problems, emotions, and heartache that come from being overweight are things that I’m used to.  Then I heard these words in the song today:

You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?

Maybe that’s it.  Maybe there is this sick and twisted part of myself that wants to deal with the pain that is the most familiar.  There are so many issues and things that I could use for explanation, but I just don’t have the energy tonight to get into it.

But I will “hold on” to these other lyrics for now:

I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free from the chains

Don’t you know, things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day