Well, guys, my determination is still in full force and it is paying off. I stepped on the scale yesterday (officially) and lost 2.2 pounds for the week.

The major victory, even more than the loss, is that I was completely within my points for an ENTIRE week.  This is the first week I can say that about in almost a year.  So I am very pleased about that.  Hip-Hip-Hooray!

I have to admit that I was totally relieved.  Even though I did everything right last week and knew that my weight had to come down, I was still scared that it would show a gain.  I’ve seen too many of them over the past year to think I was safe.  And even though the scale showed a small loss when I peeked at it this week, physically, I’ve felt like I’ve been gaining.  It’s the craziest thing.

And to be completely honest, there was also a teensy tiny part of me that was a bit disappointed with that number (I know – don’t smack me too hard).  But since it was my first week totally on plan, I had kind of hoped it might be more.  But I DID lose 5 lbs last week and 2.2 is a great number.

I think one of the reasons I was so successful before was because there was no time limit or no anxiousness to get the pounds off.  I was already at rock bottom and things could only get better.  If I didn’t lose, no big deal.  Now, I know where I could be – where I was.  Now, I have this anxiety to get my weight back down before too many people see how much I’ve gained.  Silly, I know.  I’ve been trying to calm myself down and accept that whatever happens happens.  I know that my weight will drop faster if I’m not stressing about it.

I know what to do and how to do it, so I’m going to just keep doing it.  I’m going try to forget where I was and just think of it as where I’d like to be.  I’m going to try to stop beating myself up for what I’ve let happen over the past year.  I’m going to try to have fun with it again.

This is where I was in Thanksgiving 2008 (at my lowest weight).  This is where I’d like to be again.  We won’t discuss how much more I weight now (ack).  If it’s this Thanksgiving, or Thanksgiving five years from now when I get back there, that’s okay.