Why I’m Here

Oh the irony of it all.  When I posted last night, I hadn’t actually eaten the cake yet.  But I ate it, and have really had no desire to eat more.  I have no desire at all to go home from work and eat the entire pan.  The ironic part is, is that it wasn’t the pure bliss that I thought it would be.  I barely tasted the chocolate – all I tasted was sugar.  Maybe I’m too addicted to my Hershey 100 calorie chocolate covered pretzels or something (a fave of mine).  But this cake, one of my old favorites, got an “eh” on the yumminess scale.  Kind of disappointing, but good in a way, too.  Now, more than ever, I’m glad I had that piece.  Now I won’t spend time obsessing over it.

For me, in my own personal experience, I don’t believe I’ve ever really had what you would call a “trigger food.”  Believe me, I know how lucky I am.  I’ve always been kind of an all-or-nothing kind of girl.  If I’m on plan, then damn it, I’m on plan!  If I’m binging then man, I’m binging in style.  Even my mini-binge of last week wasn’t caused by a trigger food.  I just wanted/needed/HAD to eat.

For one example, two of my old favorite frozen “on plan” snacks are being discontinued according to my grocery store.  They were blue bunny sugar free popsicles and Weight Watchers chocolate mousse bars.  They were selling them way cheap at $2 a box, so I bought two of each.  That was about three weeks ago – at least – and they’re all (but one of each) still in the freezer.

There’s something I feel I need to share (or disclaim).  I am, obviously, not a professional blogger.  I don’t do this for a living.  I don’t make any money off of it.  I only have a dot.com because I like the creative control (not that I’m a professional at that, either – not by any means) and all of the hosting fees come out of my own very shallow pockets.  That’s not to say I’ll never have ads or anything like them on here at some point, because this hosting thing is helluva expensive, but I can’t see it ever taking over who I am.

I’m not a professional writer.  I’m not a certified nutritionist.  I’m not a personal trainer (ha, let’s all have a good laugh at that one).  I’m not a doctor.  I only know what works and doesn’t work for me. In none of my posts will I ever proclaim to know what is right for you or what you should do.  And if it ever sounds like I’m saying that my way is the right way and the only way, then I apologize, because I never have and will never intend that.  Believe me, I think I’ve mentioned often enough that I believe all of our journeys, while sometimes having similarities, are entirely unique.  These are just my experiences.

I thought for a long time about starting this blog before I finally did it in January of 2008.  Seeing the blogs of others on the WW Message Boards is what finally stirred me into action.  I wanted my own little place to work out all of things involved in my own weight loss.  There are so many other things that a person goes through as they try to lose weight – other than what’s going on physically.  I also, more than anything, want others to know that they aren’t alone, especially if they’ve ever felt out-of-place or like they didn’t fit in.  Of course, I’m sure my own experiences color that desire.

This blog was intended as a place for me to come and share my thoughts, my successes, and my struggles with whoever wants to “listen” or just a place for me to see my own thoughts in print if no one else does.  I mentioned that I used to journal, and can’t bring myself to keep up with that anymore.  This is much easier for me.  And when I began this blog, I made sure to stress that it was about my life in general and not just my weight loss, because really, those two are so intertwined, that I don’t know how anyone could separate the two (unless you are a professional such as I mentioned above).  My life affects my weight, which affects my life, which affects my weight, and so on.  It’s a rolling ball of twine. So it sometimes really bothers me when I see other bloggers feeling guilty or apologizing for writing about things other than something weight- or health-related.  Yeah, sure, we like to read and see tips and new things to try, but we’re there (or at least I am) to hear about your experiences and your life – whether weight-related or not.

Now it may seem like I’m bashing the “professional bloggers.”  I’m not at all.  We need you guys around, too!  Especially for those fantastic tips, and exercise ideas, and food recipes, etc.  I mean, where else are we gonna get them?  You all are a great source of valuable information for us.  And we still enjoy hearing about your “real” lives!  Or at least I do.

Sure, my life is about the furthest thing from exciting, but it’s what I’m living day to day and I’m going to share what I’m going through, even if it’s sometimes (often) on the embarrassing side.

And sure, I sometimes wonder if anyone even cares about what I’m posting or is even reading it, but I know that there are a lot of blogs that I lurk on myself.  And if even one person is out there nodding their head once a month, then I’m satisfied.  It doesn’t take much to make me happy. 

I’m truly grateful for all of you who have stuck around with me on my journey (both the downs and ups), whether you’ve left comments or not, and I always love “meeting” new people.  So come on in and pull up a seat and tell me a bit about yourself sometime.  We’re all a family here (sometimes dysfunctional – mostly on my end), but a family nonetheless.

I also want this to be a place where you can feel comfortable to come without the fear of judgment (from me anyway – that’s all I can promise).  As both Rebecca and Carmine have reminded me lately, we get enough judgment and moral condemnation from the general public without doing it to ourselves, too.

My uncle posted this earlier today and it pretty much sums up what I strive for in my life.  I quite often fail – I’m not a saint and I quite often can be selfish and self-serving – but this is what I strive for:

Kindness is an inner desire that makes us want to do good things even if we do not get anything in return. It is the joy of our life to do them. When we do good things from this inner desire, there is kindness in everything we think, say, want and do.

But anyway, that’s all I wanted to say.  Just that you, whoever you are, have a place here.  Even if you think I’m nuts. 

Oh that, and that you’ll never see something like this from me (from my most recent Barnes & Noble e-mail):

Also, please check out the “Bethany McDonald Memorial Blogroll.”  Bethany was a member of our community who recently passed away.  I was not lucky enough to have known her, but it sounds like she has made a lasting impression on many lives.  Lyn, from Escape from Obesity, has created this blogroll in order to help both established and new bloggers find support and a sense of community.  If your blog isn’t listed, and you would like to be included, please let Lyn know – there are links on the site.