Weigh In 5/11/10

Well, I’m really sad to see my “Lbs.” movie experience post get bumped down on my blog page, but it’s weigh in day, and I guess it can’t stay at the top forever.  Oh wait.  Yes, it can.  This is my blog and I can do what I want   So I’ve added it under my favorite posts at the right.

Not surprisingly, I gained.  But I only gained 1.1 pounds!  Considering that I ate like the cookie monster from Saturday night through Sunday night, it’s truly a testament to how much walking I did Friday and Saturday that I didn’t gain more.  I’m sure the fact that I did fantastically well food-wise on Friday and most of Saturday helped, as well.  Of course, knowing that I probably would have had a huge loss if I hadn’t gone nutso Saturday night, is something I’d rather not think about.  (We’re talking room service with pizza AND chicken fingers shared between my mom and I – both were thoroughly heavenly).

As a matter of fact, my mom lost six pounds while we were gone!  Six!  I’m happy for her, but geesh.

I know I still owe you all some more info about my trip and pics, and believe me, I’m dying to share.  Hopefully I’ll be able to get some of it up in the next couple of days.  Things at work have been crazy – as they almost always are anymore.

Since I’ve been back from this trip, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.  In my last post, I mentioned the trip to California that I took about a year ago.  When I went on that trip, I had already started to slip up, but was hovering around only a 15 lbs gain.  Of course, I felt huge.  But when I got back from that trip was when it all went downhill and I started skiing towards that 80+ lb gain.

In heading home from this trip, I started feeling kind of down, and remembered that I felt extremely down when I came back from last year’s trip.  And it made me realize something.

I’m constantly talking about how amazing life is with so many opportunities and exciting experiences out there to be had, but rarely do I ever take advantage of it.  At least not to the fullest that I could.  Of course, money is always an issue.  But when I’m on these trips, I could be going on two hours of sleep, and I’m still ready to literally jump out of bed at 5am and get the day started.  I’m so excited to see what fun and new and interesting things the day has in store for me.

When I came back from my CA trip last year, I was sad that I had waited so long to visit.  I was so excited to see in person all of the great places that I’d heard about all of my life and was amazed at how easy it was to hop on a plane and be right there.  As long as you can pay for it, the world is your doorstep.  It also made me think about how I had had a chance to visit my friends when they lived out there a couple of years before (yeah, they move around a lot), but I didn’t, because of my weight.  It was right about the time that I was at my highest.  One more example of how my weight has kept me from doing things.

I almost didn’t go on my DC trip, once again because of my weight.  And I almost let a lot of truly incredible experiences, not just the “Lbs.” event, slip through my fingers.  It’s embarrassing to be overweight.  I hate even being in public sometimes.   And if I’m feeling that way at my current weight, imagine how I felt at my highest.  I was so excited to see so many national treasures, but was terrified at the thought of having my pic taken in front of any of them.  But you know what?  I forced myself to get over it, and I went, and had an incredible time.  When I think of the fabulous things I saw, people I met, and experiences I had, it makes me sad to think that I almost didn’t have the courage to go.  Sure I’m not happy with the way I look in a lot of the pictures that were taken of me, but that doesn’t take away the experiences that I had.  And in looking at those pics, I’m going to try and remember how I felt when looking at that monument, or shaking that person’s hand, or seeing the documents that created our country.

But back to the idea of how on these trips, I find myself wanting to leap out of bed.  I don’t have that in my day-to-day life.  Most people don’t.  But that’s what I want.  I want a life where I’m literally jumping out of bed with excitement to see what the day has in store.  Last time, I came home and settled into my old routine, getting more and more depressed at the feeling of divide between the excitement I felt on my trip and the drudgery of my daily life.

I felt that again this time, but as of Monday at dinner, I’ve nipped the eating insanity in the bud and I’m trying to do some active thinking about where I am and what I want from my life.  And how to get where I am to meet what I want.  I currently have absolutely no clue, but this time I’m trying to make some positive changes instead of allowing myself to undo all of my hard work again.  And even if nothing comes of it other than an attitude change, I know that I won’t be regaining another 80 lbs this time.

What is that now?  Reason #482 (at least) for why I may have gained back so much weight?

PS – I almost forgot to tell you that when I was talking to Carmine and Matthew, I asked them about the article that mentioned a possible DVD release of “Lbs.” by the end of the year.  They weren’t certain that that will happen, but it sounds like they have some footage that would make terrific extras on it.  I so hope they include it.  They did mention that while it isn’t available yet, there is already an option to “save” it on Netflix for when it does become available.