I have to thank Rebecca for bringing me back to the purpose of my blog. Over the weekend, I posted about our trip to the Steamboat Arabia exhibit and mentioned that when it was discovered, it was discovered underneath a farm field in Kansas. Hopefully Rebecca won’t mind, but I’m going to quote her here:
“…under a farm field in Kansas.”
Now THAT is something. Hard to believe there was so much great stuff hidden under a layer of dirt!
Kinda makes me think about the good stuff still waiting to be found under my, er, fat layer. LOL. (Hopefully no dish sets or buckets…just some lovely bones!)
After cracking up (thanks for the laugh, too!), I immediately stopped and thought “Wait. Yes. Yes. Yes.” Thank you for connecting the discovery of the Arabia to the act of discovering ourselves.
Check the name of my site – “Uncovering Pamela.” That’s what I’m here to do – uncover me. That’s been my goal all along. But somewhere along the way (most likely on the rise back up the scale), I lost sight of the fact that when I picked the name of my blog, I wasn’t just focused on the physical, though that was a part of it. I was focused on every aspect of me that might be hiding behind the weight, the fear, the insecurity, etc. (combined, “the layer of dirt”).
When I was about a year into my journey, I wrote this post that is always available underneath my pics in my sidebar. I see it every day when I visit my site, but so often just pass it by or ignore it. Well, I went back and reread it tonight. And while I hope you’ll check it out if you have time, I will post here the list of things that I had uncovered at that point (when I was down about 150 lbs):
- I can handle a lot more than I ever thought.
- It is possible to make yourself vulnerable without becoming a victim.
- There is no shame in struggle.
- I (We) are not alone.
- It is possible to care about what others think of me without losing sight of the fact that it really only matters what I think of me.
- I am finally learning how to truly live by my favorite quote: “To thine own self be true” ~ Shakespeare.
- Eating too much does not make me a bad, unworthy, or unloveable person. It simply makes me like everyone else in the world: a human with a problem.
- There’s still so much left to uncover.
- It is not odd to care about someone I’ve never met in person…
These are things that I SO needed to reread right now. Lately, I’ve been so caught up in how far I’ve fallen (a/k/a gained) weight-wise, I’ve forgotten all of the things that I had already discovered that had absolutely nothing to do with my weight. So while I will continue to weigh-in and be excited about any losses, this time down the scale, since I know for a fact that there is a thinner me in there, I’m going to try and focus more on me as a person – and try to discover all of those hidden gems that I know are there inside of me and are the essence of who I am underneath all of the added “dirt”.
I think I’ve made a fairly good start in that direction since I’ve gotten back on plan. One thing this blog has made me do is confront one fear and allow myself to be more open and vulnerable with people. And I’ve been more open than ever since I came back to the blogging world. It’s scary sometimes. It really is. But allowing myself to work out some thoughts on here, and hearing your feedback, is allowing me to work my way through a lot of things: including allowing others closer to me.
As easy as it is to forget, I am not my weight. Though I have believed for far. too. long. that it defines me, it most certainly does not. If it’s not too conceited, I happen to think I’m a pretty okay person underneath my weight and I need to learn how to uncover that part of me and let it shine, regardless of what weight I’m at.
During those months that I was off plan, not only did I neglect my physical body, I neglected who I really was deep down and who I wanted to become. No more.
Thanks, Rebecca!
And all of you continually remind me of Nos. 3, 4, and 9 above. Thank you for that.
I also have to admit that this whole topic reminded me of another post that I wrote – one of the very first I ever did – about beauty in hiding.
I’ll leave you with my favorite postcard from this week’s Postsecret.com batch:
I love this post. And thanks for the nod. I’m glad my comment made a difference…I hope you know that your blog adds so much to my own “uncovering.”
If I continue to lose weight I, too, want this process to be MUCH more than a change in my external appearance. I want it to be both a discovery and a creative endevour, to reveal more of myself to myself and others, and to build a life that better reflects my deepest hopes and aspirations.
This is exciting, isn’t it? And only a little bit terrifying now and then.
I love Rebecca’s way of thinking! lol And thanks for this post Pam! Both you and Rebecca certainly got me to thinking! ( :
But you know, this is what I love about blogging. We can always go back and re-read how we were feeling at a certain period in time and then reassess if needed. Isn’t technology wonderful!?! lol
.-= Skye´s last blog ..My Worst Enemy =-.