Phobias suck. They really really suck.
I should know. I’ve had one for more than 20 years. For those 20 years it has plagued me….shadowing my every footstep. Luckily, it was one that I didn’t come into contact with on a day-to-day basis, but when it did or when I started thinking about having to face it, then well, I would pretty much shut down. If I didn’t, I’d end up in a fetal position crying for my mommy. 
No, I’m not going to name it here. And no it’s not spiders (oh how I wish it were).
But I am naming the fear. The pure unadulterated terror that fills my heart and mind and soul at the prospect of facing it.
But face it I must. I’m 32 years old. It’s time. I’ve given too much of my life over to this fear. I refuse to give the next 32 years over to it as well. <—-brave talk right there
I’ve been talking lately about trying to be more bold. I’ve taken a few steps -done a few things that I normally wouldn’t have – but I don’t think that I will fully be able to fulfill who I was meant to be until I have this phobia behind me. And perhaps it will never be totally behind me, but hopefully I can get it to an acceptable, rational, level. As I said yesterday, I’m done hiding from my fears. <—more brave talk (of the fake it ’til I make it variety)
Unfortunately, what I’m calling “Project Phobia” has multiple steps. I took the first one today. Yes, I’m ashamed to admit I broke down into tears several times during the process. But you know what? I did it. I DID take the first step. I’m proud of myself for that.
Step number two will come early next week. Please send good thoughts my way. I could use them. Especially since the last time I attempted to face this fear, I nearly hyperventilated. But the reason I didn’t face it down back then wasn’t my fault (truly), so hopefully I’ll be able to conquer it this time.
The thing about phobias is that they are irrational. I feel completely stupid that this is such a struggle for me and I think that almost makes the whole thing worse. I feel utterly ridiculous.
Now excuse me while I go cry for my mommy. 
No really. I think I just need to hunt down a drink after work tonight. 
Ha. You think I’m kidding!
Go Pamela! Hear that little sound coming from the West? That’s me cheering and clapping for you!
You can conquer this, step by step…baby steps. Wait. Wasn’t that a movie! hehehe
Seriously, positive thoughts zipping to you through the space time continuum!
WOW WOMAN! You are so on an empowerment roll nothing’s getting in your way. Phobias — I must have at least 3 super phobias and reading this from you migggghhhhhttttttt make me thinkkkkkkk a little bit about maybe tackling one of them??? just the picture you picked is killing me! LOLOLLLL we’re with you all the way Pamela!