All of my life I’ve had an image of my ideal life. The perfect dream that I would live every day. As I’ve grown and matured (which is debatable) , the dream image has grown and matured, as well. My life experiences shifted it a bit, but there were a few basic hopes that never disappeared, and the image remained always there.
Stuck behind glass.
Seemingly shatterproof, bulletproof, natural-disaster/nuclear war-surviving glass.
When I was really young, all I could do was stare through the glass in dreamlike fascination, as though I were watching a particularly entrancing snowglobe.
Throughout middle and high school, every [ ... ]
Archive for » 2010 «
13
Oct 2010
All of my life I’ve had an image of my ideal life. The perfect dream that I would live every day. As I’ve grown and matured (which is debatable) , the dream image has grown and matured, as well. My life experiences shifted it a bit, but there were a few basic hopes that never disappeared, and the image remained always there.
Stuck behind glass.
Seemingly shatterproof, bulletproof, natural-disaster/nuclear war-surviving glass.
When I was really young, all I could do was stare through the glass in dreamlike fascination, as though I were watching a particularly entrancing snowglobe.
Throughout middle and high school, every [ ... ]
Category: Life in General
6 Comments
13
Oct 2010
As most all of you know, one of my biggest changes lately has been the recent (as of the 4th of October) shift in my work hours. I went from working from about 4pm until midnight M-F to 1pm-9pm on Mondays and 12pm-8pm the rest of the week.
It may not seem like that big of a change, but it has made a world of difference. Even though there are many nights that I still do the same ol’ same ol’ of heading straight home and vegging, it has had a huge effect on my attitude and how I feel. There [ ... ]
11
Oct 2010
I’m still working on my “emotional eating” blog post…okay, I really put it on hold. As I mentioned, it’s really long…and really, well, emotional. So I just needed to take a step back.
Instead, today, I’d like to chat about something I was thinking about yesterday. I’ve written over and over throughout the past few months about the changes I’ve been making. I know you’re all probably sick of hearing about it and are thinking….damn, is this girl ever gonna get back to the weight loss talk? Really, it all ties in together for me. Before, when I was losing all [ ... ]
07
Oct 2010
Hi folks! I know I haven’t been writing much lately. Have been meaning to, but have just been trying to get settled into my new routine and such. Thank you so much to those of you who left comments and sent messages checking on me. You all are the best and I truly am amazed every day at the compassion and caring in the world. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that there are good people out there and you all remind me darn near every day.
So far, I think my friends are getting settled in okay. Spent a lot of [ ... ]
29
Sep 2010
Every time I think of the title of this post, I hear Julia Roberts saying “Big mistake. Big. Huge” from this scene in Pretty Woman:
Hopefully this Big Change (Big, Huge) won’t turn out to be a Big, Huge Mistake.
For the past almost eight years (omg. eight. years!! – on 10/7), I’ve worked second shift – from about 4pm until midnight. I know, pretty sucky hours, right?
Overall, it actually hasn’t been too bad. There are definitely some benefits to the hours which I’ll explain in more detail later. I started working these hours four months before my brother died, and either [ ... ]
Category: Life in General
4 Comments
28
Sep 2010
Yesterday, I mentioned Brené Brown’s new blog post: The Perfect Protest.
My whole life, I’ve been plagued with the desire, need, mandatory-ness of being perfect. Or at least, I always felt that it was mandatory for me to strive for it. Since it is, frankly, damn impossible for anyone to be perfect, and even more impossible for myself to be, I was constantly in the mode of self-frustration, self-loathing, self-disgust, etc.
In fact, this song could have been my anthem for myself growing up:
You all know that I admire Brené and her work tremendously. You know that her book, “
Category: Brene Brown
7 Comments
First, before I get to the details, I want to thank each of you for the wonderful happy birthday wishes you left!! You all are awesome! I know I say that over and over, but it’s only because of how true it is!
Honestly, I was overwhelmed by the birthday wishes I received from people. So many people sent me messages here, through text and voicemail, via Twitter or Facebook, that I really was just stunned (even received a happy birthday wish from 
I’m not sure what to say. The last couple of weeks have been extremely difficult for me.
Weight-wise, I’ve been eating everything in sight. It’s not attractive, and I’m pretty disgusted with myself. It may seem counterproductive for this blog, but I really don’t want to discuss how much I’ve gained in the past two weeks. It sucks.
I’ve really been struggling with a lot of issues in my life. I’ve never been formally diagnosed, but I believe I’ve struggled with depression through a great portion of my life – especially high school and college. You all know that I love books, [ ... ]
First, a bit of housekeeping. If I owe you an e-mail, I can imagine that it is WAY overdue and I’m really sorry! There’s been a lot going on with me lately and things have been more on the crazy side than usual. I promise to get back to you just as soon as I can! Second, I have well over 400 spam comments in my queue right now, so if you’ve tried to comment on something and it never appeared, please try again and let me know by email or at the contact link above so [ ... ]
Contrary to my last several posts, I am not always happy-go-lucky, cheerful Pamela. I know, I know, it comes as a HUGE shock to you, doesn’t it? I hope none of you passed out from the news.
In fact, again contrary to my post of Tuesday, my mood over the past couple of days can only be described as foul. I’ve done my best to keep it from affecting other people, and most of my attitude (except for when directed towards stupid people – and then only internally) has been directed back towards myself.
It’s not so much that I’ve [ ... ]
