I’ve always been wordy. Always been of the mind of why use only three words when 50 will do. If you’ve been following my blog for any length of time, you already know this. It really came in handy writing term papers in college.
I can also talk pretty big at times. “I have to do something NOW.” “I have to get back on plan NOW.” “We’re all beautiful and wonderful no matter what our weights are.” “Appreciate the little things.”
As far as appreciating the little things, I think I do pretty well. The rest of it…not so much. I talk big, but when it comes to implementing things or sticking to things…um, yeah. <insert sheepish grin>
Now, that’s not to say that I’m not being completely genuine in what I say. I never (okay, very very rarely) say things that I don’t mean or fully believe in. And when I say all of those wonderful things about getting back on plan and about valuing ourselves for who we are regardless of our weights, I genuinely mean it. Even when I fail to follow through on actually doing it or thinking it…I still believe in it.
This pretty much carries through to other areas of my life as well: life goals, wanting to have more courage, etc. I posted the other day on Twitter that I probably have 500% more courage now than I did just a few years ago, but that I’m still wholly embarrassed by my lack of courage. My dream is to one day have my actions match my talk of what I want to be. I want to be more outgoing and adventurous…and I’m trying…but I can’t always help that I’m shy and am deathly afraid of making a fool out of myself.
But I’m working on it.
I once posted and tweeted that there is a certain peace that comes in realizing that you will forever be a work in progress. I still believe that. I’ll never be perfect. I’ll never be exactly who I want to be. But that’s okay. There should always be something to work for.
But the key is to work for it. I’m going to continue trying to push myself to get out more and do more and meet more people. I’m going to continue to push myself to get my ass back on plan. I’m going to continue to push myself to stop hiding who I am for fear of rejection. I’m going to continue to push myself to be genuine and well, just me. As it says in my sidebar images (from Brené Brown), “I choose authenticity” and “I live and love with my wholeheart.” My goal is to continue thinking/being those ideas.
So today, I’m taking a step towards the getting back on plan part. I have currently chosen to continue following Weight Watchers’ old points plan, instead of trying their new one. This was my own personal choice and I advocate merely that you make your own decision. I just personally think it is the right decision for me right now. Plus, I know it works when I give it a chance. Because of that, it would be really hard for me to continue using their online tracker. I have bought my own small notebook and a new trusty Sharpie liquid pencil and have started tracking today. Granted, it’s only one meal so far, but that’s one meal. Written down. On paper.
It’s a step.
And as we all know, you can’t get anywhere without taking that first step.
PS: By the way…yesterday, I turned down an offer from a friend of a free cookie and to try some cheese sauce. Yes, the turning down the cookie is amazing, but the cheese sauce? ME?!? Turn down CHEESE?! Unprecedented.