Changes

Hi all. I know I’ve been slacking in the writing department again, but that doesn’t mean I’ve fallen off track!  I’m actually doing pretty well.  I lost four pounds last week, so am now down 17.3 pounds. I was pretty excited about that.

It’s not really enough to notice yet, but I can tell that a couple of items of clothing are fitting a bit more loosely.  But I’m pretty excited that I’m heading in the right direction again. I also saw a number on the scale yesterday that I haven’t seen since probably 2011.  That made me happy.

Health-wise,  I’m hanging in here.  Saw my doctor again a while back and was diagnosed with some stomach acid issues that are forcing me to cut down on some things in my diet.  Like tomatoes. I love tomatoes. And spicy foods – which I’m kind of okay with. And citrus – I so love my oranges. :( And chocolate – of which there’s no way in hell that’s happening.  And alcohol – which I’ve already cut way back on. She also suggested Zantac if I need it. I’ve only had to use it once and it seemed to really help.  She also diagnosed me with IBS – but I’m pretty sure I’ve had that since high school. So it’s just a matter of accepting it and learning to live with it, I guess.

She also suggested I do another sleep study to see if a cpap machine will help my mild sleep apnea. I’m skeptical that it will. I’m also dreading the study which is this Friday night. Causing me all kinds of anxiety.  But we’ll see what happens. Hopefully it will end up helping. Keep your fingers crossed.

As far as changes, I’ve really been noticing lately how much more comfortable with my body I am – more than I ever have been in my life. Even at my current weight.  I think part of it might be just the whole getting older thing (ugh – I’ll be 35 next month).  The rest – I’m not sure what to attribute it to.  I still get really self conscious sometimes and still feel bad about my body sometimes, but it’s not as bad.  There are times when I’ve actually come to feel comfortable in my skin and love even the rolls. ;)

Last summer, I posted that I’d stopped caring enough that I broke down and wore shorts for the first time in years.  I’ve gained a lot since last summer, and I still went ahead and wore shorts this year.  Of course, the fact that the temperatures were scorching hot this summer helped that.  But I went even farther than that.  I started wearing short sleeve shirts. Ones that came shortly above my elbow. That is something, even at my lowest weight, I wouldn’t do.  I will never go much higher than that, but it was rather liberating.  And so much cooler. LOL  And I’m finding that for the most part, other than a few insecure moments of self-doubt, I really don’t care what anyone else thinks.

The funny thing to me is that I feel more comfortable with my body now, at my current weight, than I did when I was at 170-something.  So we’ll see what happens as the scale continues to drop – which it will, because I’m determined now.

Also, I’m learning that I can still eat out, and still lose.  I rarely ever did that on my last go-around.  At least not at places where I couldn’t find the point values.  Now, I’m just doing my best to guess and trying to do well the rest of the day/week.  I’m not being as harsh with myself this time around.  I’m hoping that will help with staying power this time.

I’m being a lot more vocal about my attempts this time.  Granted, I have more friends now than I did then, but I’m actually telling people what I’m doing.  My coworker knows.  My friends know.  I even posted this most recent loss on Facebook because I was so excited and it has gotten more “likes” than anything I’ve posted yet, I think.  Last time around, I didn’t tell anyone until I had to.  That was usually when they noticed and commented on it and I had to say something or they’d think I was sick. :)

The last change I’m going to mention is one that plays into caring less about what others think.  I’m not a fan of snark.  I never have been.  I believe I’ve mentioned this on here before, long ago.  I have no problems with smart-ass comments and such, but I think most of the snark today is just an attempt at being funny at someone else’s expense.  It’s just an opportunity to be rude and get away with it. Well, I’m not being the butt of anyone’s snark anymore.  For my mental health’s sake, I’m reserving the right to selectively ignore any snark that comes my way.  If something is said to me that bothers me, it’s getting ignored.  And yes, this may involve flat out ignoring comments by friends who think they’re being funny.  Even if they don’t think they’re being funny, it comes across as they think they’re better than me.  So this is what I need to do for me.  I’m over it.  So if someone says something that bothers me, that I don’t think is funny, after a moment, I’m just ignoring it. I’m not going to waste my time getting upset or angry.

Whether these changes will end up helping or hindering me, I don’t know yet.  We’ll see!  Hopefully my readiness to take on this journey again, my gradually growing self-confidence, and my flexibility will pay off.

I’m really wishing OneRepublic would come back to Kansas City, because the last time I saw them, they were amazing. I’ve gotten re-addicted to this song lately and part of the lyrics kind of match my attitude.  I’m marching on.

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7 Responses
  1. Nikki says:

    I’ve also been on the receiving end of comments and some minor sabotage from friends lately. Like the way you’re dealing with it. Good for you!

  2. Allyson says:

    Hey Pam! Woot woot!!! :D Sounds like you are really in a great place. I’m so glad to see you posting again. Yep, i agree with you…the years go by and earning some wisdom does make you appreciate every aspect of your body and life all the more. my daughter isn’t that big of a fan of one republic but she said the same thing – she saw them here in memphis once and said it was one of the best shows she’d ever been to.

  3. Skye-Lynn says:

    CONGRATS on the loss! You are definitely doing something right, my friend!

    I know your pain of food limitations. So far, I found out I can not have raw onions nor tomato products nor spicy food. Which, the latter, I really, really do miss! The bad part, I have to find out the hard way because there is no “list” to avoid. Each person is affected differently so you just have to try it and see if there a negative reaction. SO, not fun! lol Please know I am continuing to keep you in my prayers; especially where your health is concerned.

    HOORAY for being more comfortable with your body!!! I think it’s definitely an age thing, lol, cause I’ve gotten better myself lately, too. Although, I’m jealous cause I don’t think I’m nearly as advanced as you are! ; ))

    I was surprised when I saw you had posted about your weight on fb. I know, you and I have always been really shy about this. But like you, I’ve decided to become a little more open with it all. Heck, it’s not like folks can’t see I have a weight problem! lol THANKS for encouraging me, Pam!!

    And KUDOS to you for not caring about others so much! Gosh, that doesn’t sound so nice when I read it back! lol But you know what I mean! : ))

    Love ya!
    Skye

    P.S. COOL song! March on, girl!!

  4. Pamela, You sound stronger and more assertive! YAY! You know I don’t care what you weigh, but I DO CARE about the mean “snarky” remarks that can focus on weight. You’re so right—it’s a way to try and feel superior (I guess through asinine attempts to sound clever). You may have to make that decision to IGNORE nasty rudeness over and over again, but so be it. YOU ARE WORTH THE EFFORT. And practice will make it feel easier with each successful refusal to be bothered. I’m so proud of you!
    hopefulandfree´s last blog post ..last ride on the paleo-go-round

  5. Jamie says:

    Hi Pamela – I came across your blog quite a few months ago via theantijared.com while looking for inspiration online to help me start my own weight loss journey. I need to lose 200+ pounds. I am glad to see that you are having success and I have been truly inspired by your openness to share about your own journey to lose weight. I realized recently too that you live in the Kansas City area like I do. I have just started having some weight-loss success of my own but didn’t go the Weight Watchers route this time because of finances. I am basically counting calories and am continuing to read blogs like yours to keep me motivated. I hope you will continue to blog…I need you! (no pressure or anything – LOL). Congrats on your recent weight loss and your new-found confidence!
    Jamie´s last blog post ..{Day 13} Weigh-In and Pallet Scales

  6. Hi Pamela! Just popping by again to let you know I’m thinking of you and hoping you are well and happy! Take care, and keep up the great effort at being more assertive. Hugs!
    hopefulandfree´s last blog post ..oh the pain

  7. I SWEAR I’m not a stalker! :) I just like to know how you are doin’. I like to remind you that you have very patient followers…LOL…very patient! Hugs and jelly beans!
    hopefulandfree´s last blog post ..morning after

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