Guess what? My weight on the scale is actually down!  It’s showing me as being down 6 lbs from my most recent highest.  But officially, I’m only down 2.7.  But I’ll take it! I’m excited to see what the scale says on Saturday.  I was perfectly on plan Friday.  Wasn’t perfectly on plan Saturday, but didn’t do TOO bad and did a lot of walking at the renaissance festival.  Then was perfectly on plan yesterday and so far so good today!  I’m going out tonight and I even have my planned drinking tracked in advance in my tracker. Go me!  And go all of you for your fantastic support!

I’ve now been to Ren Fest twice this year.  The first time, even though it ended up raining on us and becoming a muddy mess, was much more fun because there weren’t nearly as many people there.  This time, the weather was gorgeous, but there were so many freaking people, it was hard to have too much fun. Felt like I was constantly bumping into people.

The first time around, I got my hair braided again like I did last year (but in a different style).  This style was called The Athena:

On this second trip, I ended up getting my henna tattoo.  This was it shortly after it was done:

So those were fun.  I also bought a hand-crocheted snood!

Fun stuff.  Or at least I think so.

In other unrelated news, my mom called me today at work to let me know that next week, the District Attorney’s office has set an appointment for us to come in and review all of the case materials from when my brother was killed.  We will be able to read all statements, all reports, everything that the driver said, etc.  They will also let us review photos, but am not sure we’ll go that far.  Depends on if we think we can handle it.  But it will be nice to hopefully have a better understanding of what exactly happened that night (or at least what they think happened that night).  It’s so hard to believe that it will be 9 years in February.  I still miss him tremendously.  So hopefully, my supervisor will work with me on letting me have the time off.

I’ll keep you all posted. Hope your week has gotten off to a good start!

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Updates

The week before last, I didn’t track perfectly, but somehow managed to get a five pound loss!  Yeah, I am still not quite sure how that happened.

This past week…I didn’t do the best. Didn’t do terribly, but didn’t track again.  I gained 1.4 pounds. But some of that could also have been water retention. So I was okay with it.

The interesting thing to note was that I weighed in at exactly the same weight that I did when I joined the Weight Watchers meetings at the beginning of April.  Sigh.  Now, at first, I considered this a failure.  As did my mom, apparently when she kind of sighed, too, as I told her.  BUT. I refuse to look at it that way.

1. I’m still going to meetings.  Sure, I’ve missed a couple here and there, but I’m still going.
2. I haven’t gained in 2 months.

I tweeted after my weigh in on Saturday, that I was in exactly the same place as I was at the beginning of April and Rachael responded with this:

No you’re not. You made a decision and are seeing it through. That counts as progress in my mind

Big thanks to her for reminding me of that!  And it’s so true.  If Christy hadn’t talked me into joining with her, I don’t doubt that I would probably weigh more than I did then.

So not having gained weight in the past two months? I look at as progress.

Other than that, there hasn’t been a lot going on with me.  A couple of Saturdays ago, I got to go with a friend to the Kansas City Ghosts and Gangsters Tour.  It was quite fun.  They took us on a tour bus and drove us to see various Kansas City landmarks that have spooky happenings associated with them or with gangster history.  I thought it was pretty interesting.

One place we stopped at was a church where I took my fave picture.  To look at the outside of the window that night, it just looked black.  When I saw the pic, it looks like there’s a face in the middle of it.

Other than that, I haven’t really done a whole lot except try to hang out with friends when I can.  I’ve been so busy in fact, that I (the reading queen) have been working on the same book for over a month.  I’ve been reading “Last Sacrifice” by Richelle Mead, which is the last book in the series.

But when I haven’t been out with friends, I’ve mostly been playing on the internet or watching Netflix.  I got sucked into Grey’s Anatomy for the first time a few weeks ago and ended up watching the entire first six seasons in just a couple of weeks.  So that explains why even though I’ve been working on the book for over a month, I’m still only on page 127 of almost 600 pages.  Pitiful, I know.

And my new work hours were approved.  They started today.  Remember that I was the girl who did 4:30 to midnight for eight years?  I will now get off of work at 6:30 for most of the week! There is one day that I’ll continue to work later, but only until 8:30.  That’s almost a normal schedule, folks!

So we’ll see how I do when I try and get to work by 10:30 tomorrow.

Hope you’re all doing well!  Take care!

Post from Uncovering Pamela

The Bright Side-Progress

For the great majority of the time that I was losing weight, I weighed in on Tuesdays.  Several weeks ago, I flipped it to Mondays.  It just seemed to work better with the new hours I’ve been working.

As you know, I began attending Weight Watchers meetings on Saturday, so my new weigh-in day is now Saturday (which is going to take some getting used to).  Since I’d only technically stuck to the plan one day (Sunday), I decided to go ahead and weigh in this morning to see how I did last week on my own.

3.8 pounds!!  And I didn’t track!  I’m now down 6.2 pounds for the past two weeks!  So proud of myself.  I also had a friend tell me that they were proud of me and supported me no matter what.  It started me thinking that I wonder if people realize how much that means to you when it comes from someone that you care about and you really value their opinion.

Yesterday, I was completely on the new Points Plus Plan.   Tracked everything in my online tracker.  And I have to admit I’m a bit concerned.  I mentioned that I felt like I might be getting too many points on the new plan, and that’s because I felt like I was eating a lot.  I went back through my tracker for the day and calculated how many points I would have eaten if I’d been following the old points plan, and it added up to about 8 more than I’d been allowing myself on the old plan (and I didn’t go crazy on the free fruit).  That’s kind of scary.

But like I said, I’m going to give this a full go for a month (unless I’m gaining like crazy).  If, after a month, I’m not losing like I want to be, then I’m going to start counting my fruits and give it another month (again, unless I’m still gaining).  If after another month, it still isn’t working, then I’m going to go back to the old plan.

I am, however, going to give the new plan an honest shot.  I just need to have a back up plan in place.  And knowing that I have options for if it doesn’t work as well as I’d hope helps keep the panic from setting in.  Because, as they’re always saying, this is a marathon, not a sprint.

Other than a bit of craziness at work (which, thankfully, has settled down), I’m having a pretty good day.  Oh – the craziness at work AND the fact that I got a little sunburned at the zoo yesterday.  I keep going to scratch my shoulders and cringing.

I’m going out to a late dinner when I get off work and am going to do my best to track it!  Already know what I’m getting.  So go me.

Oh and I loved this postsecret:

Okay, I think that’s enough rambling for me today.  Hope you’re all having a great day!

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Last (& Unofficial) Weigh-In Pre-WW Meetings

Life has just been very…..life lately. 

I am loving my life right now (for the most part).  Do you know when the last time was that I said that?  Yeah, me either, but let me know if you remember.

Things have been a bit crazy.  Been spending as much time as I can with friends – for example, went out for lunch with a couple of friends on Sunday, then went to dinner with another that night.  Met another friend Tuesday night and am meeting another friend tonight.  Have plans midday on Saturday with one friend and hopefully plans that night with a couple of others.  Sunday, I will try to spend some time with my mom.  I know she misses me and I miss her.  I used to see her every day before I left for work, but now, with my new hours, I pretty much don’t see her at all during the week since she’s in bed by the time I get home.

Even with all of the eating out I’ve been doing lately, my weight has been holding steady.  I was down two pounds this week, but I think that it was more of a result of all the walking I did at the Ren Fest on Saturday.  But I’m not complaining.  I was very happy with that.  I’ve also been keeping busy and such so that when I’m home, I’m not snacking as much – so hopefully that’s been balancing the eating out a bit.

I think my new hours are the best of both worlds.  I can still sleep in a bit – being the night owl that I am – and yet get off work early enough that I can still meet friends sometimes.  This is the first week, though, that I feel like I’m really settling in to the hours.  I’m starting to get used to seeing so many more people walking around the floors at work and seeing people in the cafeteria.  It’s like, wow, there actually ARE other people in the world.  And just chatting with some of them on the elevator or as I pass in the halls makes me realize just how truly cut off from the world I made myself.  I never realized how much I missed human interaction until I got it back.

There are still rough times, of course.  But just this one minor shift in a work schedule has done so much for my attitude and dare I say it, I feel happier.  I would wish that I’d done it a long time ago, but honestly, I don’t think I was ready.

I have been having trouble getting sleep this week.  Been finding too many things to think about or do, so it’s my fault and not really insomnia.  But I haven’t had more than 6 hrs of sleep in a night since last Thursday night.  Most nights have only been about four and a half.  Not good, I know.  Especially since, me being an absolute coffee hater, may now be hooked on what our coffee guy calls the “Crazy Train.”  Uh-huh…no jokes.  It’s a caramel white chocolate mocha (yeah, like I need those extra calories) that I get with an extra shot of espresso.  And I actually like it.  Hopefully it won’t be a habit that sticks once I start getting some more sleep.  Besides, it’s way too freaking expensive of a habit.  Almost $5 a pop.

Hmmm…what else. As I said, am meeting a friend after work tonight, but am really hoping that I might be able to get more sleep  even if I do still stay up late.  I have to work my old hours until midnight tomorrow night, so should be able to sleep in tomorrow.  Both of my night coworkers are off, so my boss asked me to cover.

Been messaging a couple of guys off of that dating website, but don’t know that they’ll go anywhere.  Fun in the meantime.

Okay, I think that’s about it to get you caught up on my life.  Hope you ALL are doing FANTABULOUSLY!  HUGS!

PS:  Anyone else going to see Back to the Future in the theater on Saturday?  Check your local AMC!  I’m excited!

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Life

I confess that I am still not tracking.  I know that on some days I go WAY over my points.  I know that on other days, I am probably WAY under my points.  I absolutely cannot explain what I’m doing or how I’m doing it.  I’m mostly eating when I need to, want to, while keeping my points in the back of my head and trying to control any binging urges.

I did wake up fairly early this morning and read for a while and unfortunately did some snacking at the same time, so who knows how that may have affected today’s weight on the scale.  But I’m down and I’m really happy with that.  Thrilled even.

My total is now 102.2 pounds lost – I’m where I was back in October of last year and that just really excites me.  I feel like I’m reversing time.  Of course, I’ll never get those months back, but at least I feel like I made the most of them in other ways.

As always, who knows what this week will have in store, but I’m going to have fun finding out!

Still need to kick my exercise into gear.  Still need to crack a whip on my water drinking (pitiful).  Those are two things I’m going to work on this week.  Hope it’s a beautiful one for you guys!

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Weigh In 8/31/10

And you know what?  I think that’s what is different this time around.  Sure, my weigh ins have more peaks and valleys than a roller coaster lately – up, down, up, down, but I’m not completely stressing myself out over it this time.  I’m allowing myself to have fun and am allowing myself to live my life.  I’m not telling myself that I’ll do something “when I get thin” anymore.  I’m trying to appreciate where I’m at by remembering where I was and how far I’ve come.  I’m at a point where while some situations are still really uncomfortable at my weight and I’m not as in shape as I’d like to be (still need to get that damn treadmill back into commission), my weight really isn’t holding me back right now.

Of course, I’m going to keep trudging on and keep plowing my way down that scale.

Of course, I want to get back to the weight I was at at my lowest.

But in the meantime?

I’m going to enjoy the ride.

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Weigh In 8/17/10-Enjoying the Ride

I just weighed in and lost 6.3 pounds this week!  WHOOHOO!  Boy, do I have that yo-yo’ing on the scale thing down or what? Seriously though, I think I’m starting to learn how to listen to my body, because I didn’t track this week.  I even had a couple of binges earlier in the week.  I must have made up for it though!

I lost 9.3 pounds in the past month and even better is that I AM ONLY 0.8 of a pound away from hitting 100 pounds lost again!  SO so happy right now.

I hope you all are having a good week!  I’m determined to make the rest of this week be as amazing as the start has been. (You know, except for the whole lack of sleep thing)

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Weigh In – 8/10/10

First, I had Mexican (chips/salsa, grilled chicken fajitas with sour cream and guacamole) for lunch and then the leftovers for dinner on Saturday.  I snacked way more than I should have late Saturday night – not crazy off-plan things (like ice cream), but definitely more than I should have had and didn’t count it.  Sunday, I had a bagel thin pizza (just a homemade pizza using a bagel thin) and a doughnut for lunch before the game.  I didn’t eat anything at all at the game (victory!), but then had Sonic for dinner, and had two more doughnuts over the course of Sunday evening/night.  On Monday, I was back on track.  So you see, my gain could have been much worse.

Second, remember how I was worried about last week’s huge loss being a fluke?  This weigh in (in a weird twisted way) combined with what I ate over the weekend, makes me think that it really wasn’t a fluke (don’t tell me if you don’t see it that way, ’cause that’s my story and I’m sticking to it).

Third, well, I’m just not bothered by it.  I know that this is a new week and hopefully if I don’t let it “derail” me, I’ll show a loss next week.

Next, to be totally honest, I haven’t been officially tracking my points for the last week or so.  I’ve kind of been trying to follow my own body’s instincts of when it’s hungry and such and mentally tracking the points.  I know that some days I was over my points, but I also know that on other days I was under my points.

One of my favorite things to make when I get home from work now is this skillet thingy.  Not quite sure what to call it.  I’ve been throwing in a bunch of veggies, a teaspoon of olive oil, some balsamic vinegar, a little Mrs. Dash, and either shrimp (surprisingly my favorite) or some naked (unbreaded) chicken nuggets that I got at Costco.  Here is a picture of last night’s version and it was pretty yummy if I do say so myself (and I do):

So here’s to a new week!

I know I owe a couple of you emails, and promise to get to them soon! Just been kind of wiped out lately – haven’t been sleeping too well.

And check out tonight’s sunset!  The blue rays are totally natural and not a product of the photograph.  If you look closely in the upper left corner (of the enlarged version you can see by clicking), you can also see a star!

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Weigh In & New Dinner Obsession

So that’s how I’ve been spending my time.  As far as being on plan, I mentioned that I was pretty much doing a half-assed job of being on plan Tuesday-Thursday.  Friday and Saturday, I was pretty far off plan, and even Sunday wasn’t the best.  But I could have done a LOT worse and have in the past several weeks.

But apparently even a half-assed try can make a difference and is better than no try at all.  I’ll have to remember that when I think, “well, I screwed up.  Might as well go all out and just eat everything in sight.”  The fact that I lost 4.9 pounds this week is proof positive of how much of a difference it can make and of just how far off plan I had fallen in the past several weeks.

I’ve been completely on plan yesterday and today and have my fingers crossed for the rest of the week.  This week has proven to me the importance of allowing myself “off plan meals,” and of keeping those just to “meals,” and not days, weeks, or months.

I tried to find some video footage on YouTube to show you of “Supernatural,” but a lot of them contained spoilers or wouldn’t have much meaning without seeing the show.  So no videos for it, but you can search for it on YouTube yourselves if you’re interested. 

I did see that OneRepublic has a video out now for one of my favorite songs off of their latest album.  I don’ t think the video is the best, but the song just makes me happy inside:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5tin-U9oJ8

So hope you’re having a happy week!

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Even a half-assed try is better than no try at all

Not surprisingly, I gained.  But I only gained 1.1 pounds!  Considering that I ate like the cookie monster from Saturday night through Sunday night, it’s truly a testament to how much walking I did Friday and Saturday that I didn’t gain more.  I’m sure the fact that I did fantastically well food-wise on Friday and most of Saturday helped, as well.  Of course, knowing that I probably would have had a huge loss if I hadn’t gone nutso Saturday night, is something I’d rather not think about.  (We’re talking room service with pizza AND chicken fingers shared between my mom and I – both were thoroughly heavenly).

As a matter of fact, my mom lost six pounds while we were gone!  Six!  I’m happy for her, but geesh.

I know I still owe you all some more info about my trip and pics, and believe me, I’m dying to share.  Hopefully I’ll be able to get some of it up in the next couple of days.  Things at work have been crazy – as they almost always are anymore.

Since I’ve been back from this trip, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.  In my last post, I mentioned the trip to California that I took about a year ago.  When I went on that trip, I had already started to slip up, but was hovering around only a 15 lbs gain.  Of course, I felt huge.  But when I got back from that trip was when it all went downhill and I started skiing towards that 80+ lb gain.

In heading home from this trip, I started feeling kind of down, and remembered that I felt extremely down when I came back from last year’s trip.  And it made me realize something.

I’m constantly talking about how amazing life is with so many opportunities and exciting experiences out there to be had, but rarely do I ever take advantage of it.  At least not to the fullest that I could.  Of course, money is always an issue.  But when I’m on these trips, I could be going on two hours of sleep, and I’m still ready to literally jump out of bed at 5am and get the day started.  I’m so excited to see what fun and new and interesting things the day has in store for me.

When I came back from my CA trip last year, I was sad that I had waited so long to visit.  I was so excited to see in person all of the great places that I’d heard about all of my life and was amazed at how easy it was to hop on a plane and be right there.  As long as you can pay for it, the world is your doorstep.  It also made me think about how I had had a chance to visit my friends when they lived out there a couple of years before (yeah, they move around a lot), but I didn’t, because of my weight.  It was right about the time that I was at my highest.  One more example of how my weight has kept me from doing things.

I almost didn’t go on my DC trip, once again because of my weight.  And I almost let a lot of truly incredible experiences, not just the “Lbs.” event, slip through my fingers.  It’s embarrassing to be overweight.  I hate even being in public sometimes.   And if I’m feeling that way at my current weight, imagine how I felt at my highest.  I was so excited to see so many national treasures, but was terrified at the thought of having my pic taken in front of any of them.  But you know what?  I forced myself to get over it, and I went, and had an incredible time.  When I think of the fabulous things I saw, people I met, and experiences I had, it makes me sad to think that I almost didn’t have the courage to go.  Sure I’m not happy with the way I look in a lot of the pictures that were taken of me, but that doesn’t take away the experiences that I had.  And in looking at those pics, I’m going to try and remember how I felt when looking at that monument, or shaking that person’s hand, or seeing the documents that created our country.

But back to the idea of how on these trips, I find myself wanting to leap out of bed.  I don’t have that in my day-to-day life.  Most people don’t.  But that’s what I want.  I want a life where I’m literally jumping out of bed with excitement to see what the day has in store.  Last time, I came home and settled into my old routine, getting more and more depressed at the feeling of divide between the excitement I felt on my trip and the drudgery of my daily life.

I felt that again this time, but as of Monday at dinner, I’ve nipped the eating insanity in the bud and I’m trying to do some active thinking about where I am and what I want from my life.  And how to get where I am to meet what I want.  I currently have absolutely no clue, but this time I’m trying to make some positive changes instead of allowing myself to undo all of my hard work again.  And even if nothing comes of it other than an attitude change, I know that I won’t be regaining another 80 lbs this time.

What is that now?  Reason #482 (at least) for why I may have gained back so much weight?

PS – I almost forgot to tell you that when I was talking to Carmine and Matthew, I asked them about the article that mentioned a possible DVD release of “Lbs.” by the end of the year.  They weren’t certain that that will happen, but it sounds like they have some footage that would make terrific extras on it.  I so hope they include it.  They did mention that while it isn’t available yet, there is already an option to “save” it on Netflix for when it does become available.

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Weigh In 5/11/10