I say this as my stomach growls.

I’m also going to make more of an effort to blog.  I miss it. I just really haven’t had much to say lately, especially in regards to my eating.  My emotions have also been on quite the roller coaster.

I’m still loving my car quite a bit. Have gotten several compliments on it, even from strangers, which is always fun.

Are any of you doing anything fun this weekend? I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing yet. There are a few things I’m contemplating. Buying new underwear may be one of them. Yes, I lead an entirely exciting life.

Anyway, I hope you all are doing well.  Take care.

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Making an Effort

Guess what? My weight on the scale is actually down!  It’s showing me as being down 6 lbs from my most recent highest.  But officially, I’m only down 2.7.  But I’ll take it! I’m excited to see what the scale says on Saturday.  I was perfectly on plan Friday.  Wasn’t perfectly on plan Saturday, but didn’t do TOO bad and did a lot of walking at the renaissance festival.  Then was perfectly on plan yesterday and so far so good today!  I’m going out tonight and I even have my planned drinking tracked in advance in my tracker. Go me!  And go all of you for your fantastic support!

I’ve now been to Ren Fest twice this year.  The first time, even though it ended up raining on us and becoming a muddy mess, was much more fun because there weren’t nearly as many people there.  This time, the weather was gorgeous, but there were so many freaking people, it was hard to have too much fun. Felt like I was constantly bumping into people.

The first time around, I got my hair braided again like I did last year (but in a different style).  This style was called The Athena:

On this second trip, I ended up getting my henna tattoo.  This was it shortly after it was done:

So those were fun.  I also bought a hand-crocheted snood!

Fun stuff.  Or at least I think so.

In other unrelated news, my mom called me today at work to let me know that next week, the District Attorney’s office has set an appointment for us to come in and review all of the case materials from when my brother was killed.  We will be able to read all statements, all reports, everything that the driver said, etc.  They will also let us review photos, but am not sure we’ll go that far.  Depends on if we think we can handle it.  But it will be nice to hopefully have a better understanding of what exactly happened that night (or at least what they think happened that night).  It’s so hard to believe that it will be 9 years in February.  I still miss him tremendously.  So hopefully, my supervisor will work with me on letting me have the time off.

I’ll keep you all posted. Hope your week has gotten off to a good start!

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Updates

Do you have any idea how long it has been since I actually wrote out a grocery list?  Especially one that didn’t have the word “cookies” written on it?

So that’s my plan for right now.  To tough this out for today. Then I’ll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

My goals for today:

• Keep counting everything I eat
• Drink lots of water
• Get my grocery shopping done (with a minimum of treat buying – and swear that any treats I DO buy will be ones that I can calculate points for and count)
• Feel better.  Still feeling a bit like hell.  I honestly think the stomach issues stem from the stress I’ve been under lately with my weight, work, etc.

So I think all of those are reasonable for today.  The only one I don’t have a lot of control over is the feeling better part.  So after grocery shopping, I’m just going to rest.

Also, I have been boycotting The Biggest Loser for the past several seasons, because it was ticking me off.  The safety of the contestants seems like an afterthought and the trainers were making me mad with some of their comments.  But my friend, Skye, asked if I’d seen any of the current season as the male trainer is rather good-looking (and oh yes he is!).  I had finally gotten caught up on the last season of Supernatural (my parents bought it for my birthday which happened to be a couple of weeks ago) and had nothing better to do, so decided to give this season a chance.  I’m still trying to make my way through the first episode. It honestly was ticking me off in the first five minutes.  And Anna K. bugs me. But I’m going to at least watch the first two episodes and then I’ll decide if I want to continue.

But anyway, thank you all for the great comments you left on my last post.  Several of them brought tears to my eyes from your kindness.  I’m truly blessed to “know” you guys. Big hugs to you.

Hey, look!  Two posts from me in one week!

Post from Uncovering Pamela

New Determination

My eating is totally out of control. My emotions are totally out of control. My weight is getting totally out of control and I’m seeing numbers on the scale that make me cry. I feel like I’m in the bottomless pit of despair again that I can’t pull myself out of. Except I KNOW that I can…and that just makes me feel that much worse about myself.

I have GOT to get myself back on plan. I have GOT to. I can’t let this continue. I’m already feeling so low that I just can’t imagine how much worse it can get. If I’m not careful, I’m going to be at my starting weight again. I CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN.  I’m already reaching the point where I feel so bad about myself that I’m not wanting to do things and go out to certain places. I’m already getting out of breath from simple activities.

My latest struggles have proven to me even more strongly how much of a food addict I am. I look forward to meals – to when I can eat again. I crave it. Eating cheers me up. And oh the yumminess of all the things I shouldn’t be eating. The emotions I feel when I think about food are just ridiculous.

I want to be proud of myself again. I have loved ones that I want to be proud of me again. Though I know that I have to do this for myself and only I can do this.

Again.

God, just thinking about trudging down that slope again makes me tired.

But trudge I will. Starting right now. I’m going to do my very best. And I’m going to challenge myself to start writing on here again. I’m going to do my best to write every day…at least for a while…even if just about mundane, every day things. So we’ll see.

If any of you are still around and happen to read this, I appreciate your continued support. And I’m certainly going to need it.  Thanks, guys. I miss you and hope you’re all doing well.

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Out of Control

The week before last, I didn’t track perfectly, but somehow managed to get a five pound loss!  Yeah, I am still not quite sure how that happened.

This past week…I didn’t do the best. Didn’t do terribly, but didn’t track again.  I gained 1.4 pounds. But some of that could also have been water retention. So I was okay with it.

The interesting thing to note was that I weighed in at exactly the same weight that I did when I joined the Weight Watchers meetings at the beginning of April.  Sigh.  Now, at first, I considered this a failure.  As did my mom, apparently when she kind of sighed, too, as I told her.  BUT. I refuse to look at it that way.

1. I’m still going to meetings.  Sure, I’ve missed a couple here and there, but I’m still going.
2. I haven’t gained in 2 months.

I tweeted after my weigh in on Saturday, that I was in exactly the same place as I was at the beginning of April and Rachael responded with this:

No you’re not. You made a decision and are seeing it through. That counts as progress in my mind

Big thanks to her for reminding me of that!  And it’s so true.  If Christy hadn’t talked me into joining with her, I don’t doubt that I would probably weigh more than I did then.

So not having gained weight in the past two months? I look at as progress.

Other than that, there hasn’t been a lot going on with me.  A couple of Saturdays ago, I got to go with a friend to the Kansas City Ghosts and Gangsters Tour.  It was quite fun.  They took us on a tour bus and drove us to see various Kansas City landmarks that have spooky happenings associated with them or with gangster history.  I thought it was pretty interesting.

One place we stopped at was a church where I took my fave picture.  To look at the outside of the window that night, it just looked black.  When I saw the pic, it looks like there’s a face in the middle of it.

Other than that, I haven’t really done a whole lot except try to hang out with friends when I can.  I’ve been so busy in fact, that I (the reading queen) have been working on the same book for over a month.  I’ve been reading “Last Sacrifice” by Richelle Mead, which is the last book in the series.

But when I haven’t been out with friends, I’ve mostly been playing on the internet or watching Netflix.  I got sucked into Grey’s Anatomy for the first time a few weeks ago and ended up watching the entire first six seasons in just a couple of weeks.  So that explains why even though I’ve been working on the book for over a month, I’m still only on page 127 of almost 600 pages.  Pitiful, I know.

And my new work hours were approved.  They started today.  Remember that I was the girl who did 4:30 to midnight for eight years?  I will now get off of work at 6:30 for most of the week! There is one day that I’ll continue to work later, but only until 8:30.  That’s almost a normal schedule, folks!

So we’ll see how I do when I try and get to work by 10:30 tomorrow.

Hope you’re all doing well!  Take care!

Post from Uncovering Pamela

The Bright Side-Progress

But can I just say that I really really really really really really really hope I show a loss on the scale on Saturday?  Even though I’ve stuck pretty close to plan, I’m still scared I won’t.  So keep your fingers crossed for me.

I’m still not sure about the new plan, but it’s nice to be able to use the Weight Watchers’ online food tracker and database again.  I can’t tell you how much easier it makes things.  And I think there is one benefit to switching over to the new plan.  It makes it newer and a bit different again.  The last time around, it was all new and I made it fun by making a game out of it.  Since I’ve always been a quantity eater, my game was “just how much food can I possibly eat and still stay within my points”?  By the time I’d gotten down to my lowest weight and I had fewer and fewer points, it wasn’t quite so much fun anymore and it was kind of old-hat.  I’m still going to go that route and still try to make it fun, but I’m not going to be quite as zealous about it, because frankly, some of the low-calorie, fat-free crap I was eating makes me want to gag just thinking about it now.  I don’t know how I did it.

I was also just thinking about some of the other differences this time around compared with last time and why this time around seems much harder.

The biggest is in the way I’m living.  Last time around, I was deep in my hermit bubble.  I was solidly in the land of “let’s avoid the world.”  Speaking of, I just have to post this song again, because it still gives me the chills every time I hear it and think of the past year of my life.

And I promise I’m not going for world record for number of times a single song/video are posted on the same blog.

But last time around, I was in hiding from my brother’s death.  I had very few friends in town (most lived out of state or I’d lost touch with them – my fault).  I also hated how huge I was, so avoided going out unless I had to.  So many reasons.

Over the past year, I’ve had a lot of changes in my life.  I have a new group of friends and have reconnected with some old friends and had some old friends move to town (yay!).  Even though I’ve regained and I’ve regained weight, I’m still going out and doing things.  It’s gotten to the point sometimes now, though, where I don’t always feel quite comfortable doing things or going out, but I still am.  I’m fighting those hermit-like urges and I’m working to change what I can physically.  My friends are important to me.  I care about them a lot and I’m not letting my weight (or whatever else might be going on in my life) get in the way of me spending time with them again.

But the fact that I refused to go out last time around and never had anything I had to or wanted to do made it easier to lose weight.  I just had to stop hitting fast food on the way home.  Now, since I’m being more social, eating out is a part of my life again.

But I’m managing it.  I’ve been out every night this week so far (though I will not be going out this evening) and I’ve factored those meals into my daily points, estimating the best I could.

I refuse to give up those moments.  I refuse to miss out on life.  I remember reading someone’s blog post several months ago about how they had just made the decision to completely avoid social situations that involve food, because they couldn’t control themselves.  I understand.  I do.  It’s not easy.  But if you plan, it’s possible.  It helps if you build yourself a little cushion, as well.  I try to overestimate the points by a few when I know I’ll be eating out and check websites and menus if I can to plan what I’m going to eat.  But I also try to build that cushion for “oh hey, I might have another beer” or “well, maybe I really want the slice of pizza instead of the pretzel.”  Life happens.  And, sure, we do lots of things that don’t involve food, but sometimes you just gotta eat and sometimes there’s gonna be food.  But unlike the person who wrote that blog post, I REFUSE to give up those moments where I could be enjoying my friends’ presences just because they want to go somewhere that serves food.  I refuse to miss that smile or laugh or hug or story.

You see, I’ve learned how short life is.  I appreciate every moment.  And if it means I have to look longingly at their delicious mac and cheese or hell, even splurge on mac and cheese once in a while myself, I’m damned well going to do it.  I just need to try to be more conscious and aware of what is going into my mouth.

So far, so good.

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Getting Back In The Groove

Saturday dawned bright and early…ugh.  But I attended my first Weight Watchers meeting EVER with my friend, Christy (a/k/a Angelchrys – who is awesome by the way, so check her out).  Most of you know that I’ve only ever done Weight Watchers online.  Once I got over my nerves, I was okay.  It didn’t help that they had a moment where we had to go talk to “someone new.”  I HATE THAT.  I mean, social anxiety issues here.  But I actually just ended up turning around and talking to the lady behind me, who I ended up thinking was totally awesome.  She’s of the same kind of attitude/mind-frame as I am.  Pretty much “I hate being told what to do.”  But she was pretty funny, so I’m looking forward to hopefully getting to know her better.

I’m not sure if the meetings are going to be for me, but I’m going to give it a fair shot.  I’m signed up for the monthly pass now. I will admit it was fairly hard hearing people celebrating 75 lb and 100 lb losses and knowing what I had lost.  I feel like I don’t have a right to be proud of where I was.  I feel like it’s a element of shame now.  The same way there’s a part of me that doesn’t feel like I have a right to be proud of the 75+ pounds I’ve kept off.  It’s like the weight I’ve regained completely negates that and makes it worthless.  I know it’s totally screwed up and totally ridiculous.  I know. Believe me, I know.  But it’s how I feel.  And believe me, also, that if one of you were saying crap like that, I’d smack you. LOL

But I’m going to give it a shot.  To be totally honest, I’m not sure how I feel about the new Points Plus plan.  The zero point fruit concerns me a bit – not that there’s ever a chance of me abusing that.  I like fruit, but not that much.  But I had a fruit bowl this morning that is technically supposed to be free, but when I plug in the nutritional info into the calculator, it comes out at 6 points.  I also, after being totally on plan today, am concerned that I’m getting too many points.  So I’m going to try the plan as written for a month and if I don’t lose like I want, I will start tracking my fruit, too.

I did have a moment of panic on Saturday night at the grocery store when I started calculating the points for some of my favorite foods – ones that I lost a lot of weight with last time around.  For example, my one point bagel thins are now 3 pts.  I logically knew that “hey, I’m getting more points each day, too,” but was having a hard time getting my mind to accept that.

This week’s topic at the meeting was having a good weight loss buddy and support team.  I know that I have a huge network of support if I just remember that.  You all are awesome, Christy helped calm me down during my panic Saturday night, and I have other friends that I know are there for me.  I’m a lucky girl.  And honestly, other than the weight watchers message boards and some of you guys, I didn’t have that kind of support last time around.

So we’ll see what happens.

After the meeting, Christy and I visited our Borders bookstore that is going out of business…so sad.  We then met another of our friends and went to a French restaurant for lunch.  I’d never been to one before!  I had chicken and salad and french fries, but the most eventful moment was when our friend talked me into trying escargot.  Christy said my face was priceless.  The taste was absolutely fine.  I just couldn’t get past the chewy/squishy texture of it.  And once I started chewing and experiencing that texture, I just couldn’t get the image of what I was eating out of my head…it wasn’t pleasant.  Totally a mental thing, as like I said, the taste was fine.

I’ll admit the photo doesn’t look very appetizing.  But I’m very, very, very proud of myself for just trying it.

After lunch, the three of us went for coffee and walked around a local area called Brookside and just window-shopped at some cool small stores.

Today, my mom and I went to the zoo and I finally got to meet Nikita, the KC Zoo’s new polar bear.  I could have watched him for hours!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzbvA7fBJTA

It was also 86 degrees in Kansas City today. 86 degrees!  On April 3rd!! I’m not going to survive this summer.

But while I admit I didn’t track yesterday (bad girl, I know), I did completely today and still actually even have a few points left to use (which is ok, because I’ll probably be up for several more hours). So I’m pretty proud of myself for getting through today completely on plan.  I also got quite a bit of exercise at the zoo today, too.  Think this is going to be a good week!  (Other than the fact that my car is currently being pounded on by hail.)

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Busy Weekend

For some of my new readers:

I joined Weight Watchers under their flex plan in 2006.  Under that plan, I lost weight pretty rapidly.

About a year later, they changed the flex plan a bit and I continued to lose weight, though not as quickly.

I still proceeded to lose over 160 pounds and keep it off until about the middle/end of 2009.

I did this entirely using their online e-tools, never having been to a meeting.

I’ve gained a little over half of what I lost back, even though I had a period of time last year in which I was losing again.

Ugh.

But I’m still down a LOT from where I started and I’m very proud of that.

But with so much going on in my life, I’ve gone back to old habits.

Recently, they changed the entire Weight Watchers Points system.  Instead of factoring Calories/Fat/Fiber into what determines a Point, it now considers Fat/Fiber/Protein/Carbs (I believe, don’t quote me on this).  While I think that’s fantastic…those are important things to consider…I’ve really been steadfast against attempting the new plan.

What can I say…I can be pretty stubborn.  Just ask my mom.

For one, I understand the old plan. I can walk into a store, see any nutritional label, and pretty accurately guess how many points it’s going to be worth in my head without a Points calculator.  Not so easy on the new plan.  I’m afraid it’s going to confuse me and I’ll get overwhelmed.  Someone mentioned that they thought the old system might have been a bit too simplified…maybe.  But that’s why I liked it.  If things get too complicated, I tend to check out mentally (a bit like Scarlett O’Hara).

Another reason: I KNOW the old plan works if I actually try.  Hello – 160+ pounds gone.  I’ve heard from a few people who haven’t had such good luck on the new plan.  Though I know there are others who are doing well.

But I’m considering switching…and here’s why.

I obviously need some incentive to get my head back in the game.

A friend of mine is rejoining the meetings starting this Saturday and has invited me to go with her.  Since I’ve never done the meetings, I’m curious to see what it’s like and possibly give it a try to jump start things.

But I have some huge hesitations.  First is the cost.  Right now, because I joined online way back when, I’m only paying $15 a month for the etools service.  My monthly fee will jump to about $40, I believe.  (Either way, I really need to cancel the etools plan now. I can’t use it currently, because I’m doing the old plan so am paying money for nothing…though if I join the meetings and then decide to go back to online only, I’ll have to pay the higher price (whatever it is now)).

Second, I hate the thought of being accountable to someone else.  I like being the only one that I have to answer to.  Plus, on the old plan, I had lots of weeks where I lost more than I should…I know I’d have gotten in trouble at the meetings for that even though I was doing everything right.

I’m afraid that this will turn into something I feel I “have” to do…and that’s the quickest way to get me to put off doing something or get me rebelling. (Not that I’m not already in that attitude…)

Also, am I even ready?  I have always believed that the only way a weight loss program will take is if you’re mentally/physically/emotionally ready.  Last time I was.  Now, I don’t know if I am.  There’s a big part of me that doesn’t want to (and that’s a whole other blog post for another day).  I mean, if I was ready, I’d be doing it now…it’s not like I don’t know how.  Honestly, getting back into it makes me panic a bit, because I remember how obsessed I was with sticking to plan and losing weight.  I actually cried before my first birthday after joining because I wanted to enjoy something special and felt so guilty over it.  Then I indulged, and my body was so not used to eating things like that that I spent a lot of my birthday feeling sick.  I don’t want to end up that way again.  But again, that’s another blog post.

And finally, one of the biggest reasons is I hate the feeling of starting completely over.  I know some people like a fresh start, and so do I to an extent, but not where this is concerned.  Going into a meeting, I start at zero pounds lost again.  Everything I’ve lost and kept off disappears.  It counts to me, of course, and I’ll always know that I’ve lost that weight, but I won’t get any credit for it.  The idea is really discouraging to me.  It really makes me feel like a failure for the weight I’ve regained.  I know that’s absolutely ridiculous thinking and honestly, it doesn’t even make sense to me…

But maybe this is what I need.  It couldn’t hurt to check it out and see (just wish it was a bit cheaper).  I really really hate going into new social situations, and the fact that this one revolves around weight which is such a sensitive sensitive subject for me just makes it that much worse.  Of course, we’re all there for the same reason…but I do much better hiding behind my computer screen.

But I will have a friend there.  And maybe I’ll love it.  I’m leaning towards going and at least checking it out.  I know that this post probably made no sense whatsoever, and there’s a lot of other issues rolling around in my head, but thought I’d share what I’m considering with you all.

I’ll keep you posted.

Post from Uncovering Pamela

I Really Dislike Change

BUT.

I somehow, even with all the junk I ate, lost 2.9 lbs this week.  Without trying.  Imagine if I did try!  I tweeted about it earlier this morning and someone replied that I must have been trying without noticing. I think she may be right and it’s a cool way of looking at it.

Even though I’m still a bunch of pounds heavier than I was a few weeks ago, I’ve decided something.

I’m going to forgive myself.

Even if I can only keep up the forgiveness mood for today or a few days before I start bashing myself again, I’m going to forgive myself.  I’m going to forgive myself for the weight I’ve regained.  For letting it make me feel like I’m not smart enough or strong enough or good enough. I’m going to forgive myself for feeling like I need to forgive myself for being me.

I can’t change what I’ve done.  I can only change my behavior moving forward.

And it begins today.  Even if this is only the first of many more beginnings, I’m beginning again today.  Today, I packed my brunch that I eat when I first get to work (instead of hitting the vending machine or fast food).  Today, I packed controlled snacks. Today, I can do this.  I can do this for one day.  I’ll worry about tomorrow when it gets here.

Now, on to my weekend.  Friday night, I hung out with a couple of my friends.  We talked and caught up and laughed. Then they showed me the movie “Fingersmith.”  I HIGHLY recommend it.  It takes place in 1861, but I think that even people who aren’t really big fans of period pieces like that will like this one.  There were a bunch of twists and turns in it and the acting was phenomenal.  I will be buying it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGSZETzGDvE

On Saturday, my mom and I went to First Watch for lunch with my grandma to celebrate her birthday (belatedly).  I had a good time.  After that, my mom and I went to Sprint.  I have an HTC EVO that I absolutely love, but the power button that also darkens and turns on the screen is not working properly.  Sometimes it takes pushing it about 8 times to turn it on or off and it’s driving me insane.  I don’t have the Sprint protection plan or insurance, so was scared that my options would be very limited.  However, they informed me, after seeing what I was talking about, that it would only cost $35 to fix it, and if they couldn’t fix it, it would only cost me $35 to replace it!  Sprint gets bashed a lot, but I think that’s fairly awesome. I left it for two hours to see if they could fix it.

And those were some of the longest two hours of my life. LOL I felt completely naked.  Okay, not really, but after I left it, I realized I had no way of getting in touch with people I needed to get in touch with.  Didn’t have their phone numbers, didn’t have access to twitter or facebook, and couldn’t even tell what time it was since I wasn’t wearing a watch!

But while we were waiting, my mom and I headed over to Planet Comicon.  I’m sure it would have been considered pitiful to many of you who have attended some of the bigger conventions around the country, but it was my first con and I loved it!  I walked in and sighed and thought “yeah, these are my people.” 

Even more awesome, was that my mom and I got to meet Lindsay Wagner (a/k/a The Bionic Woman).  (Which is how I actually talked my mom into going – next to Melissa Gilbert, she is my mom’s favorite actress.)  Afterward, I asked my mom how excited she was to have met her on a scale of 1 to 10.  My mom immediately said “10.”  She was giddy like a schoolgirl all the rest of the day.  It was pretty cute.  Here I am with Lindsay (She first met my mom and immediately asked her if I was her daughter…guess we look alike or something ):

And then I got to meet the person I really wanted to meet.  Michael McMillian (Steve Newlin from True Blood).  He was really cute and really nice and friendly.

I also saw, but didn’t meet, Alaina Huffman (from various shows like SGU Stargate Universe and Painkiller Jane):

After the Comicon, we went back to Sprint where I learned that they couldn’t figure out how to fix my phone, so they would have to order me a new one.  Hopefully they call soon and let me know it’s in, because I don’t know how much longer I can take the one I have.  I need to repeat, that other than this issue (and the fact that I really would like a keyboard next time around), I have absolutely no complaints about the EVO.  I adore it.

Yesterday morning, even though I was fighting the mother of all exhaustion, I met up with the same friends from Friday night to see “Sucker Punch.”  I think I would have appreciated it more if I’d been more awake, but it was visually stunning.  I’d like to see it again when I’m more awake.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrIiYSdEe4E

So that was my weekend.  Overall, except for the exhaustion and not getting a chance to see some other friends, it was pretty great.  I absolutely cringe looking at myself in the photos above, but again…today is about forgiveness.

And I just finished my first meal of the day…and tracked it.  Go me.

How was your weekend?

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Forgiveness…and my weekend

Today is day two.  You would be so proud of me.  Yesterday, I tracked what I ate ALL day long.  And I came in at only a few points over what I’d really wanted to use.  Not bad!  I would say that’s a MAJOR improvement.  Today, I’ve only had one meal so far, but it has been tracked.

I’m even prouder about another choice I made last night.  For the past two days, I’ve had one thought in my head “Chips Ahoy.  I want Chips Ahoy.  I need Chips Ahoy.  I crave Chips Ahoy.”  This craving has even been above and beyond my craving for my seasonal kryptonite of Reese’s Easter Eggs.  <—OMG heaven in earthly form.  But yesterday, I was kind of at the point where I really was starting to need groceries.  I’d planned on going to the grocery store when I got off work, but knew knew that if I did, I would head straight for the cookie aisle.  As I sat at work, I was already starting to justify it to myself.  ”It’s just once more.  It’s no big deal.  I swear, tomorrow, I’ll be perfect.”  Ha.  Yeah.  That’s how I got back to where I am now.  So what did I do?

I went home.  Straight home.  I knew that I had enough groceries to last me another day or two, so I avoided temptation and went home.  And continued to track my points.  Go me.

Speaking of perfection, this is an article that you absolutely should read.  It was brought to my attention by a friend and I was blown away.  I’ve been preaching about the dangers of placing too much emphasis on wanting to be perfect.  Believe me, I know.  I’ve spent my entire life beating myself up because I’m nowhere close to being perfect.  This article just blew me away in its raw, honest look at the dangers of worrying about being perfect.

So here I am, on day two, still tracking and attempting to cut myself some slack on the perfection front.  Rebecca left a great comment on my post yesterday.  In it, she described slipping off plan for a day, but then says this:

I don’t have to try and undo yesterday’s “overindulgence”, I don’t have to even see my actions as “mistakes” because they were simply my behaviors on one single evening in my life, not some flashing warning sign predicting terrible things ahead! 

She’s exactly right.  My past mistakes don’t define who I am.  If I slip today, it won’t define who I am.  If I eat something that probably isn’t the best for me, it doesn’t make me a bad person.  Of course, I’ve known this all along, but am sure we could all use a reminder every once in a while.  I know I can.  It’s time to stop beating myself up and just take each day as it comes.

To lighten the mood, this is one of my favorite songs.  It’s called “Imperfection” and is by a great band called Saving Jane.  ”Don’t mess with imperfection.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON45TeyyCnQ

And in completely unrelated news, I bought a Katy Perry CD the other day and have been listening to it quite a bit.  While Firework is still my favorite song of hers (I posted the video on here a while back), I’ve become completely addicted to this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxQU7fRg8xA

So for today, let’s not beat ourselves up about our imperfections.  Let’s celebrate the fact that they make us who we are.

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Don’t Mess With Imperfection