I’ll start this blog post by saying that if you have a dream, do whatever you can to make sure it comes true as soon as you can realistically make it happen.

While I was perusing the crazy stack of old school papers that my mom has hung on to for almost 20 years, I came across some very interesting things.  Apparently, I was a pretty smart and nice kid according to my elementary school report cards.  What happened? (Just kidding)

While it was fun going through my old school papers, I was immediately intrigued when I came across an old notebook:

I knew this couldn’t be mine.  Sure enough, when I opened it, my brother’s name was at the top of the page.  Apparently his sixth grade teacher made her students keep a notebook of daily writing assignments.  Some days it seems that they could write about whatever they wanted while on other days it seems that she gave them the topic.

I started out by laughing often.  I love my brother, but English and spelling weren’t his best subjects.  I also enjoyed remembering some of the stories that he told.  Many of them, I had completely forgotten.  Some of the entries also made me sad.

While I thought he was a huge brat at the time, I think a lot of his entries are incredibly cute now.  In case you’re looking for some reading material, here are some highlights (most of the spelling has been corrected by moi and notes from me are in parentheses and bold):

• “Aug. 31 - I’m happy to be in sixth grade.  My sister said it was fun and my friend said it was fun too.  I think it will be little hard.  I like the kids in my class.  There are a lot of my friends in this class.  I miss the summer a little.  It’s good to see all my friends again.  I think my teacher is nice.  I was a little nervous this morning.  I think I’m going to like it.
• Last night I got home and I did my homework.  It took me 30 min.  Then I went outside.  I played with remote control cars.  I had to run out the batteries.  I outside for one hour.  I had to go in for dinner.  We had grilled cheese sandwiches.  They were good.  I watched TV from 5:00 to 7.  First I watched Saved by the Bell.  Then Wonder Years.  Next I watched basketball.  At seven I helped my mom with Camp Fire.  That was my night.  (Both my brother and I were in Camp Fire (before my brother joined Boy Scouts) - my mom was the leader.)
• I discovered that we have P.E. and Music on Mon. and Fri.  We have library on Thurs. And we have art on Wed.  I discovered that we have a PTA lady that comes in and reads to us.
• My family believes that there shouldn’t be any drugs and we believe on (sic) peace.  Also no wars.  We always go to bed by 3:00 A.M. (?!?)  We can stay up later if it is at a friends.  We believe in USA products.  We always rake leaves. (LOL)  Mow the yard.  Every person in my family mows.  We believe in going to the hospital.  We believe in shots.  Also allergies.  We believe in all kinds of medicine.  This what we believe in.
• If I could wish for one thing it would be no pollution and litter and for me to have all the money in the world.  Then there will be no problems in the world. (LMAO)  I would be able to buy lots of stuff.  That is my wish.
• For Valentine’s Day I would like to get the day off.  That would be neat.  I would play all day.  Maybe walk to the store.  I might stay inside and watch TV.  I wish I would get lots of chocolate.  I wish it would be like Crunch.  Crunch is my favorite candy.  I know we are getting chocolate.  My dad getting this big candy heart.  Wait a min.  We do get the day off.  It is on a Sun.  My mistake.  That is my Valentine’s wish.
• If I could be one thing it would be a lion.  They’re called King of the jungle.  And they don’t have to go to school.  They don’t have to go to the store.  They can do what they want.  They get to roam free.  They get to play all day long.  They can eat what they want.  They can go swimming.  That’s why I want to be a lion.
• My favorite things to do are pick on my sister.  (I was well aware of this already, of course) . . . I like playing soccer and football.  I like collecting comic books.  I like play cards with my mom.  Me and my dad like playing Game Boys. . . . I like going on trips.  I was on a trip last week.  We went to Nebraska.  My grandma died.  So we went up there.
• A dinosaur’s view of earth would be small.  They’re so big every thing would be small.  That is what I would think.  There was probably a lot of different plants.  There might have had been a dinosaur eating plant.  There was a lot of different animals.  There was strange looking birds.  My favorite bird is the tarridakel (I had to leave his spelling as is on this one).  My favorite dino is the stiraciosurs (this one, too).  I had to do a report it.  There might have just been sand.  Or maybe just water.  That is how I think it looked like back then.  Nobody knows how it really looked.
• If I had eyes in the back of my head I could see the people behind me.  I could see where I have been.  If I was on a roller coaster it would scary to look back.  You could see if any people were talking to my back.  That how it would be to have eyes in the back of the head.
• There’s one thing that is troubling my mom and grandma.  Monday when it was snowing my mom got the day off.  She was coming from my grandma to pick me up from school.  On the way here our car broke down.  It was the ingen (had to leave this spelling, too).  When my grandma came to pick up my mom she was leaving the apartment.  A truck came around the corner and slid into her.  We have my grandma’s car to drive right now.  The front left corner is smashed.  It still drives.  My grandma does not have to pay.  Those are the troubles in my family.
• Every time I get into bed this week I have a coughing attack.  I don’t know why.  They’re not as bad as before.  I just sit there coughing.  My mom got up from bed and gave me a lot of cough drops.  Sometimes they did not help.  I had to get up and get some water.  I would have to take long drinks.  I got it to stop with water and sitting up.  I have four pillows.  I put them on the side of the headboard so it made a chair.  Then I went to sleep.
• I’m not scared of much but I am scared of fires.
• … On the 4th of July, I got to do firecrackers.  I lit one in my hand and it went off in my hand.  It didn’t hurt.  After that my mom would not let me do that.  (Surprise)
• The most interesting thing I did was surprising my sister.  On Monday my mom and I drop my sister off at home then we went a party shop.  We bought a balloon and a banner.  Then we went ________________ and stuck them in her locker.  We put the banner on the outside and someone took it.  My sister thought her locker partner gave her the balloon.  This Friday she’s going to have a slumber party with pizza and movies.  My mom and are going to surprise them with silly string.
• If I could be on a TV show it would be Star Trek.  Me and my sister love that show.  My favorite character is Captain Picard.  My favorite episode was when all of them got put in Robin Hood.  (I find this hysterical since later on he would make fun of me for watching this show and joked that I had a crush on Captain Picard.  Hmm. He was pretty sexy.  Maybe he was right.)
• My ideal weekend would be to go to the joke store and buy a lot of jokes for my sister’s slumber party tonight.  One thing I’m sure of doing is get some silly string.  At K-Mart they are selling silly string for 4 dollars.  It comes with a gun that you hook up to the can.  You pull the trigger and all the string comes out.
• Two things I feel strongly about are pollution and school.  I want to save the earth.  That is why I care about pollution.  I want people to stop littering.  I also care about school because I want to get a good job.  I also want a good ejecastion. (love the spelling here)
• Happiness is no school.  Then you get to be with your family.  (Awwww) You can go to the movies.  You can go on a picnic.
• A day I remember is when I was in 4th grade and on a Sunday I had an asthma attack.  My asthma doctor at church so my mom had to run me to the hospital.  When I got there they put an I.V. on me.  They couldn’t get the I.V. in my hand so they had to put it in my arm.  I had to stay in the hospital for three days.  I could not go to (class field trip).  In three days I got to go home.  It felt good to be out of the hospital.
• In my opinion the most important issue in the campaign for president is the economy (1992).  Because people need jobs.  Because there are not enough jobs.  Another issue is the environment.  They need to stop littering. (he really didn’t like littering apparently)  I want to see the world become a better place.
• If I could interview a famous person it would be Arnold Serinager (loved the spelling here).  He is my favorite actor.  I liked him in Terminator 2.
• My favorite thing to do at recess is playing soccer.  I want to be on a soccer team.  I like it when I get a goal. . . . I get knocked down a lot.
• I’m at my best when I have friends over.  My mom says I have to be good.  If not they have to go home.  That has happened to me two times.
• When I think about the presidential election I think about is Bill Clinton.  He might not win.  I think Poret (his spelling intact) is going to win our class election.  I think Clintion or Poret is going to win for president.
• It is important to vote because so you can say you took part in a (sic) election.
• My topic is the debate (election) last night.  We kept changing channels to see who won.  I wanted Perot to win (???).  My mom and dad went to vote at 3:30.  They came back at 6:30.  They had to stand in line for 3 hours.  They said the line was longer when they left the line was longer.  I was mad that Clinton won.  (probably because I wanted Clinton to win)
• When I wish upon a star I wish that we all could get along.  (And where was this wish when he was fighting with me??)  And that no one will fight.  Then there will be peace all over the place.  And that no one will throw trash where it does not belong.  And that people will start carpooling.  My wish is really about saving the earth.
• I think I will get a good report card.  My sister will probably too.
• For once I cleaned my room.  It was a big mess.  I had stuff everywhere.  It took me two hours.  I boxed all my stuff up.  I stored the boxes in the closet.  My mom was happy I cleaned.  She gave me 7 (or 1) dollars.  I was happy to get it over with.  My mom was happy with my report card.
• My goals for 2nd semester are to get my B’s up to A’s.  My mom would be so happy.  My dad would be too.  My sister makes A’s and B’s.  So I want to get the same.  So I will work harder.  I will also study harder.  I hope I don’t mess up in my play tomorrow.  I like being the narrator so I can use note cards.
• I feel good when I get a report done.  . . .  I also feel good when I don’t have to go to study hall.  . . .  I feel good when my mom thanks me for doing something.  And when I win something.  And when I get a remote control car.  When someone makes me laugh I feel good.  . . .  I feel good when the school day is over.  I feel good when it snows.  I guess I feel good a lot.
• . . .  Then we went over to his house and play video games.  He had bought some transformers.  He five.  He needed six to be able to build a big robot.  I had the six one so I traded it for a 1981 comic book.  So I have 31 comic books.  We washed a couple of cars.  We each earned $3.50.
• The one thing I would like to have is a Lamborghini.  It is my favorite car.  It can go 202 mph.  (as an adult he wanted a Hummer) Another thing is a full day of recess.  It would be so fun.  Another thing would be to have is a big big house.  It would be neat if it had 100 rooms.  I wish it would have a giant pool.  With a high dive board.  That is the house I would like.  Another thing I would like own is a computer business.  Maybe even a chain of hotel.  That is kind of what my sister wants to do.  But not the same.”

This one absolutely broke my heart:

He was killed by a drunk driver ten years later.  I still miss him.  These may just be silly stories that mean nothing to anyone but my parents and I, but they brought me both smiles and tears and seem like proof of his existence.

As I’ve reached various mini weight goals on this weight loss journey, I’ve mentioned several times “hey, I haven’t been this weight since probably middle school or even elementary school.”  Many people may have thought that I was exaggerating.

Not so and now I have proof!

I posted a while back about the horror that was my elementary school days and the terror that lied within my gym class.  My teacher did these horrible “Physical Education Reports” about twice a year.  I think once at the beginning of the school year and once at the end of the year.  Well, I did some digging in old papers and found one of these reports.

Oh the terror that seeing that paper brought back. 

Apparently I have a company called Cramer Education Services to thank for making my life a living hell.  Or, more specifically, their “Fit-N-Dex for Physical Education.”  Obviously, for people like me who liked to eat and hated to work out, it was merely a tool to point out our loser-ness.  The only thing these reports ever accomplished was to make me feel that much worse about myself and make me eat more.  After doing a Google search, it appears that there are still schools that use this program.

The report I found was the last one that I was ever tortured with.  It is from the beginning of 1990 (4/1/90 to be exact), almost 19 years ago, and I was in the sixth grade.

So what was my weight, you may ask.  192 pounds!  No joke.  That’s more than I weigh now and I was also almost five inches shorter.  According to this sheet, I gained 21 pounds over the course of my sixth grade year, since I weighed 171 at the beginning of the year.  I also grew 1.25 inches in height that year.

Have I mentioned I hated sixth grade?  I was obviously an extremely unhappy little girl.

It seems I was able to do 17 sit-ups a minute.  My gym teacher obviously wasn’t impressed with the miracle that I could do more than one, since my goal was to do 27 a minute.  Interestingly, at the beginning of that year, I could do 21 sit-ups a minute.  Which is also how much weight I gained.  Hmmm.

The report also comes with this handy note:

Percentiles are scores that compare your child to other children [what did we just discover in my previous blog post on comparisons???]  in his/her age group.  A percentile score of 50 is average and means that he/she has measured better than 50% of the other children in his/her age group. Also, 49% of the children in his/her age group are considered to be in better condition than your child.

I tested in the bottom 10 percent, of course, on everything except the flexed arm hang.  Apparently I wasn’t the only loser who could only hang for one second (instead of the goal of four seconds).

We won’t even go into the scary results from my triceps skinfold test.  I’m telling you that those torture devices should be banned.  The result of which did come along with this lovely note:

SKINFOLDS:  A measure of body fat which indicates susceptibility to degenerative diseases such as hypertension, heart disease, diabetes, psychological disorders, and impaired tolerance to heat.

Okay, number one - skinny people get those diseases, too.  Number two - fat causing psychological disorders?  I won’t say it’s not possible, but I, for one, think that it’s more likely the other way around.  Not to mention the psychological disorders this damn test wreaked.  And number three - impaired tolerance to heat?!?  What the hell??  I’m not saying that’s not true, but does it really rank up there with heart disease??

Anyway, I just thought I would share my little trip through nightmares past.  Instead of being able to say that I’m smarter than a 5th grader, I can say I’m skinnier than a sixth grader! 

Today got off to an absolutely crummy start.  I woke up this morning to go to the bathroom (been drinking my water again!) and noticed that somebody was clicking away on the computer in the kitchen.  Knowing that my dad should still be in bed, I headed downstairs to see what was going on and it was my mom.  Apparently she woke up with a 103 degree temperature this morning.  I knew that she wasn’t feeling her best yesterday, but today she sounded downright awful.  She could barely talk.  She took her temperature while I was standing there and luckily it had gone down quite a bit, but the crazy woman was actually working!  Her computer for work is a laptop and since they’ve been having a lot of overtime lately, she had it at home with her.  She said that she had gotten on just to see where things stood and saw that a few of her co-workers needed things from her, so she decided to get them taken care of.  Did I mention she’s a crazy woman?!  Luckily, when I got up to get ready for work this afternoon, she was in bed or I would have had to have smacked her.  She did sound a bit better when I left.

I’m terrified that I’m going to get her cold.  I haven’t had a major cold since I started Weight Watchers and started taking vitamins.  Coincidence?  Both of my parents had raging colds last year, but somehow - even with living in the same house - I was able to avoid getting one.  I’m especially concerned this year since I haven’t been following the plan as closely and because I haven’t been taking my Vitamin C like I was.  To top it off, I’m about out of sick/vacation time at work (my biggest concern).  So I’ve been washing my hands like a crazy person and will probably go through an entire bottle of antibacterial hand gel by the weekend.  :)  Of course, my mom couldn’t have told me on Saturday that everyone in her office was sick before we shared a bottle of water at lunch.  Grrr.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!  I’ve been given all kinds of suggestions - everything from garlic tabs to echinacea - so I’m open to any and all ideas.  I can’t get sick!

The first pleasant surprise for today was that I peeked at the scale and was down two pounds from yesterday!  I know that the odds of me actually losing two pounds in one day are slim to none, but it’s encouraging.

Then, as I was getting ready for work, I had the cutest outfit picked out and succeeded in putting a run in my last pair of pantyhose.  Argh!  So, by this time, it was already time for me to leave for work and I still had to iron another shirt and get my lunch together.  I was about 15 minutes late leaving and then traffic was crazy!  It’s also such a windy day that I honestly felt like it was going to blow my car off the road!   I may have gone just a few miles over the speed limit, because I was only about five or six minutes late. 

I finally got here to work and that’s when my biggest pleasant surprise occurred!  Back in May, I wrote a post called “Saying Goodbye.”  It was about how one of my co-workers and friends had decided to move back to Los Angeles and how sad I was to say goodbye.  I was worried that while we had promised to keep in touch that we wouldn’t end up doing so - you know how it is.  Surprisingly, we’ve actually e-mailed quite a few times since he left.  He had mentioned that he would be back in town to spend Thanksgiving with his parents this week and might stop in.  I had forgotten this until I heard a male voice before I walked in our department (my dept. is all women) and then saw him as I walked in.  I was so pleasantly surprised!  It really made my day.  I think somehow he knew that I would need a couple of hugs today.

Of course, it didn’t hurt that he greeted me with “Well, look, it’s Miss Skinny!” or something to that effect.  Then went on to say it was noticeable that I’d lost weight.  I told him I hadn’t really lost anything (in fact I’m actually about the same), but he said it was definitely noticeable.  Maybe the extra working out I’d done had paid off or something.  Or maybe he’s just really sweet :)  I did have one supervisor come in yesterday that hadn’t seen me in almost a year and apparently after I left to fill my water jug, she had to ask my supervisor who I was.  She didn’t recognize me.

Anyway, Andy’s such a great guy and has the best sense of humor.  He is always baking and brought in this tray (tray!) of homemade cookies!  After he showed us the cookies, I accused him of being Satan himself.  His response?  “Well yeah, but I make cookies, too.”

It was fantastic to see him and he suggested again that if I’m able to make it out to Los Angeles to visit my friends that I should give him a call for lunch or something.  Hopefully I’ll be able to make it out there next year.

I’m in a much better mood than I was when I got here, and hopefully the rest of the evening will go well!

My prayers came true, though I didn’t ask for much.  My only wish was that I would stay in the 180s.  I’m still there - just barely, but I’m still there.  I weighed in at 189.3 today, up 1.9 pounds from last week.  Considering I was up as far as 193 over the weekend, I can’t complain.

I stayed on plan today and counted all of my points.  Even better, I stayed within my points/flex points.  I’m determined to have a loss next week.

Lots of “loser” vibes to all those who still need to weigh in this week!

Sorry, Tony P., but I gotta do it:

WARNING  **** BIGGEST LOSER SPOILERS AHEAD ****

The makeover episode is always the one that gets to me the most.  As much as I hate some of these people (most of these people), I can still feel happy for them and the joy they’ve found with their new, smaller bodies.  It’s always so emotional.  And they all did look amazing!

Am I the only one in the world though that really thinks Tyra is kind of annoying?  I probably don’t really have the right to say that since I’ve never watched an entire episode of hers, but I’ve gotten that impression every time I’ve seen clips of her.

I’m really sad to see Renee go.  Both she and Michelle are amazing women with wonderful attitudes and both were extremely gorgeous (both internally and externally) even at their highest weights.  I think it’s fantastic what Renee has accomplished since she’s left the campus.

It disgusts me to see so many of the blue team members left in the game!!  Michelle better have a huge loss next week!

Brené Brown recently posted this quote in her “give thanks (big and small)” blog post.

Comparison is the thief of happiness.

I was struck by the honest and simple truth held within those words.

There have been so many times in my life in which I felt less than enough or not good enough and when I think back on those situations, every single time that I felt that way, I was comparing myself to someone else.

Of course there are always times in which we compare ourselves to others and feel better about ourselves - which aren’t necessarily moments to be proud of, but we all have them at one point or another - but it’s the times we compare ourselves and find ourselves falling short of where we think we need to be that the potential for damage to our self-esteem exists.

While Brené took a completely different turn in how she used this quote, I thought that it really applied to this weight loss journey that most of us are on.  I’m happy at my current weight - well, happier than I’ve been in years.  Even with the ups and downs that I’ve been going through recently, I’ve been fairly content and have felt pretty damn good about myself.  I still have moments though where I still feel huge; still feel fat; don’t feel good enough; etc.  In those moments where I still don’t feel good enough, it’s obvious that it is because I’m comparing myself to someone else.

• “Well, I feel thin, but I’m not as thin as her.”
• “I’ve lost a lot, but I haven’t lost as much as him.”
• “How can I feel satisfied with my current weight when my current weight is his/her starting weight??”

It’s in those moments, too, that I need to remember and realize that this is why God (or fate, or science) made us all unique individuals instead of clones.  Even at my highest weight I was not of less importance as a person than I am now (though I may have felt so at times), and at my current weight, I am not less important than someone who weighs 100 pounds.  They’re hard things to remember at times, but important things nonetheless.

When I allow myself to just be me and don’t try to compare myself to anyone else, then that is where I am able to find true happiness.  It’s an elusive spot to be in and is almost like trying to push two positive magnets or two negative magnets together.  You may get them lined up for a split instant, but soon one or the other is shooting off in the opposite direction.  For a split instant I may feel perfectly in my spot, perfectly at peace with who I am and where I’m at in this world, and then zoom!  I’m off comparing myself again to the latest model in the catalog or the person I pass on the street or even a friend.

It’s too bad that I can’t find a way to anchor myself in that place, but I am striving to meet that place more and more often.

I have to thank Nathan for nominating me for the Marie Antoinette Award which honors people writing about their real lives.  I can’t express how much it means to me that he selected me as one of the people he wanted to give the award to.

I have gained so much over the past year from writing this blog.  Not only have I discovered a wonderful community of new friends, but I’ve also learned a lot about myself and have learned how to be much more open in all areas of my life.

Here are The Rules:

1. Please put the logo in your blog
2. Place a link from the person, from whom you received the award
3. Nominate at least 7 or more
4. Put the links of those on your blog
5. Leave a message on their blog to let them know

I have “met” so many people through this site that have inspired me and/or kept my head above the water when I was floundering, or even just made me laugh, that it was hard to pick who I would like to give this award to.  Here they are, in no particular order:

• Nathan (even though he’s been nominated and nominated me!)

• Diana

• Carlos

• Skye

• Tony

• Sandra

• Ella

• Kerrin

• Sherre

• Lyn

• Karyn

These people have blogs that I know of, have been there for me for quite a while, and are never hesitant to offer their support.  I thank everyone who visits my blog though, because I learn from or take inspiration from every single one of you!

I hope everyone had a happy turkey day!

Don’t be surprised if you see a gain from me tomorrow.  Likely a BIG gain.  Yummy thanksgiving treats (turkey, stuffing, scalloped potatoes, pumpkin spice cake, peanut butter cookies, cheesy carrots) led to thoroughly bad for me, but outrageously yummy homemade cheese, sausage, and bacon kolaches for breakfast on Friday morning, which led to a weekend of Long John Silver’s, Burger King, and Pizza Hut.

I had so much fun visiting my uncles in St. Louis though.  The feeding frenzy was mixed with hours of game playing.  We played Apples to Apples and Whoonu - both games that I highly recommend to any family.  Later in the afternoon and evening we spent almost five hours viewing old slides of family photos that my grandpa had taken.  He died when I was about seven.  There were photos of family vacations that my mom took with her siblings when she was younger, as well as pictures of my brother and I and our cousins when we were little.  There were even pictures of us that I hadn’t seen before.  That was fun.  It’s kind of sad thinking that my brother won’t be around for me to do that with when I get older.

I even survived the car ride with my grandma and we surprisingly had a rather pleasant conversation on both car trips.  We talked about everything from books and movies/tv shows to newspaper comics and how she and my grandpa met.  I think it helped that I got my own hotel room so I could have a bit of space.  It also seems to have been a good thing because I have to have my room extremely cool or I can’t sleep and when my mom went into my grandma’s room Friday morning, she said it was like an oven.

We got back Friday evening and just vegged.  I was so tired.  I had had 3 and a half hours of sleep Wednesday night and then only about four or five hours of sleep Thursday night.  I didn’t do much over the weekend except for laundry, grocery shopping, and a tiny bit of Christmas shopping (I only bought one gift), and try to catch up on my sleep.

We did rent three movies:  Kitt Kittredge, The Happening, and Space Chimps, all of which I thought were interesting.

So now it’s back to the grind.  Luckily work hasn’t been too crazy today - so far anyway.  It’s always hard to get back into the swing of things after being off for a couple of days.  I wasn’t quite on plan today, but tomorrow starts a new day, regardless of how my weigh in goes.

To close, here’s a pic of me from Thanksgiving day (my uncles had their Christmas trees (yes, plural) up the day after Halloween!) :

My goal now is to get caught up on my blog reading and see what’s been going on with you all!

Update:  I forgot to add that we got snow on Saturday!  It’s a good thing we came back on Friday from St. Louis, because everything was covered when we woke up Saturday morning.  It snowed off and on all the rest of the day!  There’s still a bit on the ground even today, but the roads were all clear before I had to go to work, thank God!

I probably won’t be able to get back on the computer until late Friday, so I wanted to wish everyone - everyone that celebrates it, that is - an extremely

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

I hope that regardless of how you spend it, you are either spending it with someone you love or are doing something that you enjoy.  As I said yesterday, I’m spending it in St. Louis with my uncles, grandma, and parents.  From what I’ve heard so far it’s sounds like it should be pretty interesting.  Hopefully the drama can be kept to a minimum.

I am also extremely backlogged as far as my blog reading - I think I have something like 100 posts in my Google Reader to catch up on.  I hope you’ll all bear with me and hopefully I can get caught up this weekend!  I want to know what’s going on with all of you!

I’ll end with a bit of thanksgiving humor - this comic cracked me up:

After updating my progress chart and posting about the things that I’m grateful for this year, I was a bit discouraged by how little weight I’ve actually lost this year.  And while realizing that the fact that I’ve maintained my loss is an accomplishment in and of itself, there’s still the part of me that wishes she could say that I was at goal, or that I’d lost X number of pounds this year - where X is a huge number, of course.

I decided to look at my progress graph (created from my Excel chart) to see what it looks like now.  I’ve been so far off track and so much of the excitement has disappeared that I haven’t looked at it in quite a while.  Even though I haven’t lost a lot of weight this year and even though the line has gone a bit crazy towards the right side of the graph, I think I have a lot to be proud of - most especially that the ending plot point is not right back up and parallel to the beginning plot point.  I’ve come a long way, baby.

(click to enlarge)

Who would have ever thought that a mere two days on plan would make a difference?  At one point last week, I peeked at the scale and was up 12 pounds to 194 pounds.  Today, I was back down to 187.4.  While that’s 6.6 pounds less than the 194 pounds, it’s only a -1.6 pound loss from last week’s official weigh-in (189 pounds).

However, I am very, very happy about that.  I have absolutely no complaints.

I stayed completely on plan again today and hopefully will tomorrow as well.  Tomorrow is going to be a crazy/exhausting day.  I have to be at work four hours early so that I can get off early.  We’re leaving at 6:00 a.m. on Thursday morning to drive to St. Louis to spend Thanksgiving with my uncles.  Part of me is looking forward to it, but part of me isn’t.  It’ll be good to see them, but part of me would love to just stay home and veg, too.  My grandma is also going with us, so that will involve finding things to talk about for four hours (eight if you include the trip home on Friday).

I’m sure I’ll be pretty far off plan on Thursday and Friday due to the fact that it is Thanksgiving and the added bonus of being out of town.  I’m going to try not to go too crazy.  I’m sure I won’t have too much problem during Thanksgiving day and on Friday since I rarely have problems controlling myself when I’m around other people.  It’s when I get back to the hotel Thursday night that the nasty “feed me now” demon living inside me will probably want to come out to play.  But even if it does, I’ll have Friday evening through Monday to work it all off before weigh in.

I do have a lot to be grateful for this year.  I could never name everything or everyone, so here are just a few things that I’m thankful for:

• Old friends
• New friends
• This wonderful blog community that I’m honored to have become a part of this year
• The health of my family and friends
• Merely to be alive
• Every new day and new opportunity
• A fairly decent job
• A roof over my head
• The fact that while this year has pretty much been a bust as far as weight loss, I’ve still managed to maintain my loss and haven’t regained all 150+ pounds

The last one is in large part due to all of you who have made me so welcome and have taken a few moments from your day to read my ramblings.  I appreciate each and every one of you.